Weird, I was just reading the postings on AVCANADA, and they mentioned the Blue Pill / Red Pill choice from The Matrix. Funny how affected we are by pop culture.

Also I was thinking about choices... Why not have everything. Never give up, never surrender.

I am so fucking tired. I've had enough. One of these days, I'm gonna be really tired and I'm gonna fucking kill someone. Like the fucker that was making ignorant comments to Kathy at the CMA staff party the other night, or Steve-O you pushy little scrawn. (Steve-O suffers from little guy syndrome, he had a few too many drinks and decided to push everyone around. Poor guy probably only weighs a buck -o- five soaking wet! But it sure would have been fun to bust him up.)


The fag had to stop flying. He came back to work for a few days to cover someone who was off sick. The guy has only been gone a few weeks and he came back and fucked everything up! Yeah, and I heard he can't land worth a shit anyway. Maybe if he wasn't wearing such feminine sunglasses.....

I posted a picture to AVCANADA.COM, a picture I made years ago. I'm wondering if it will catch on now that I've made it public. I wonder if anyone will send it to me, not knowing that I was the one who made it!

Because it wasn't funny enough the first time.

All you motherfuckers are gonna pay, You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all fucking next.

Love,

Jay and Silent Bob

I think Aer Lingus is a cunning name.

Right seat A320 $107,000
Right seat DC-9 $92,000
Left seat Dash8 $78,000
Right seat Dash8$52,000
Right seat HS748$51,000
Left seat =<12,500 LBS $48-50,000
But as everyone knows by now with all the WHORING that's going on, these salaries have or will drop significantly....
PAN..PAN...PAN...

Can I get a YO!

So... Anyone who wants to visit us in Smithers is nov officialy invited! The hotel is open.


So... We've had the pleasure of having one of CMA's captains staying with us for the last month! Very cool!

Anyway, I get talking to her about some stuff... and she all of a sudden says, "You're talking about SUPER GAY MARIO!"

Yup, sure enough. Turns out everyone knows SUPER GAY MARIO...

NO, he is not invited to visit. The guy gives me the creeps!

Darling Nikki

I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess U could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine
She said, “How'd U like 2 waste some time?
And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind

She took me 2 her castle and I just couldn't believe my eyes
She had so many devices, everything that money could buy
She said, “Sign your name on the dotted line?
The lights went out and Nikki started 2 grind

Ow, Nikki!

The castle started spinning or maybe it was my brain
I can't tell U what she did 2 me, but me body will never be the same
Her lovin' will kick your behind, oh, she'll show U no mercy
But she'll sho'nuff, sho'nuff show U how 2 grind

Darlin' Nikki, oh!

I woke up the next morning, Nikki wasn't there
I looked all over, all I found was a phone number on the stairs
It said, “Thank U 4 a funky time
Call me up whenever U wanna grind?

Yeah, Nikki, oh!
Oh, come back Nikki, come back!
Your dirty little Prince wanna grind, grind, grind, ...!

Wow, my last post was Sep 6. Holy Cow! I told you things would be slow for a while. Nothing is new here, work still blows goats. Kathy's job is going in the direction she wants to go, they are moving her into the operating room. (She has wanted to be in the operating room since she was in school!)

I've been studying my ass off lately..

"This will be a standard takeoff with flaps 17 degrees, using 3950 ft/lbs of torque.

Bugs set at ____(V1) ____(V2), and ____(Venr).

The calls will be "Power Set, Autofeather armed, 80Knots, V1, Rotate.

Any malfunction below 80 knots I will reject on your command.

Between 80 knots and ____(V1) I will reject on your command for an engine failure, fire or loss of oil pressure, and either may reject for a control problem.

Any failure above ____(V1) will be considered an in-flight emergency.
If an engine fails after ____(V1), the calls will be 'Engine Failure, Max Power, Positive Rate, Gear Up' and I will accellerate to ____(V2).

I will identify the failed engine, you will confirm that it has failed, auto feathered, and that there is no fire.

Through 400ft I will accellerate to ____(Venr) and call "flaps up".

(if VFR) 'We will return for runway ____.'

(if IFR) 'We will proceed direct to the Telkwa beacon, enter the hold, preform the checklists and request a clearance to return.'

Any questions?"

10 Reasons Environmentalists Oppose an Attack on Iraq

As organizations and individuals working for the environment and
environmental justice, we have watched with increasing concern as the US
government moves closer to an all-out attack on Iraq. We raise our voices
in opposition to this war and invite others to join us in support of peace.
We oppose an attack on Iraq for the following reasons:

1. An attack on Iraq could kill nearly 500,000 people. Most of the people
killed would be innocent civilians.

In November 2002, Medact, the British health professional organization,
warned that as many as 260,000 Iraqis could die immediately from a US
attack, while another 200,000 deaths would result from famine and disease.
The UN fears that an attack would create a flood of 900,000 refugees.

2. War destroys human settlements and native habitats. War destroys
wildlife and contaminates the land, air and water. The damage can last for
generations.

The United Nations Environmental Program (UNEP) has documented lasting
damage from the 1991 Gulf War. Oil, chemical and radiological pollution
still contaminates the region. More than 60 million gallons of crude oil
spilled from pipes. Some 1,500 miles of coast were tarnished with oil and
cancer-causing chemicals. The deserts were scarred with 246 "lakes" of
congealed oil. More than 700 oil wells burned for nine months, producing
toxic clouds that blocked the sun and circled the Earth.

In the aftermath of the Gulf War, more than a dozen countries submitted
environmental claims to the United Nations totaling $48 billion.

3. US clusterbombs, thermobaric explosions, electromagnetic bursts and
weapons made with depleted uranium are indiscriminate weapons of mass
destruction.

In the 1991 Gulf War, US forces reportedly fired nearly a million rounds of
depleted uranium (DU) bullets and shells, leaving 300 tons of DU scattered
across Kuwait and southern Iraq. According to the Army Environmental Policy
Institute, ingesting DU "has the potential to generate significant medical
consequences." The World Health Organization (WHO) warns "children could
receive greater exposure to DU when playing in or near DU impact sites.
Typical hand-to-mouth activity could lead to high DU ingestion from
contaminated soil." In the aftermath of the profound chemical and
radiological contamination released during the 1991 war, cancer and
leukemia rates in southern Iraq have increased six-fold.

4. Bombs pollute, poisoning the land with unexploded shells and toxic
chemicals. Bombs can't locate or neatly destroy hidden chemical or
biological weapons (CBW), but they can cause the uncontrolled spread of
deadly CBW agents.

According to Saudi Foreign Policy Advisor Adel al-Jubeir, the 1991 US
attack on Iraq destroyed "not a single chemical or biological weapon." That
may have been fortunate. On March 10, 1991, after the Gulf War had ended,
US troops destroyed several weapons bunkers at Khamisiyah in southern Iraq.
Five years later, the Pentagon admitted that the explosion released a cloud
of CBW agents, exposing 100,000 US soldiers to mustard gas and sarin nerve
gas.

5. Fighting a war for oil is ultimately self-defeating.

Our fossil-fuel-based economy pollutes our air, fouls our lungs and
contributes to global climate change. The world needs to burn less oil, not
more. Earth's remaining recoverable oil reserves are expected to peak soon
and decline well before the end of the century. Waging wars to control an
energy source that is finite will never achieve long-term national
security. Oil-based economies must be replaced by technologies powered by
clean, sustainable, renewable fuels.

6. Pre-emptive attacks are acts of aggression.

A "pre-emptive attack" would constitute an attack on the rule of
international law, the dream of world peace embodied in the United Nations
Charter, and the promise of environmental security enshrined in a host of
global treaties. Attacking a city of 5 million people with hundreds of
cruise missiles would constitute a war crime and a crime against humanity.

7. Aggression invites retaliation.

The CIA has concluded that Saddam Hussein would only be provoked to use
chemical or biological weapons in self-defense - if the US launched an
invasion bent on replacing him. Attacking Iraq would increase the
probability of chemical, biological, and radiological attacks directed
against US cities.

8. Increased military spending (to control access to the fuel that powers
our oil-based economy) drains funds from critical social, educational,
medical and environmental needs.

The war (and subsequent occupation of Iraq) is projected to cost as much as
$200 billion. Meanwhile the economy teeters and unemployment soars while
the administration cuts funding for environmental stewardship and basic
human needs.

9. Militarization and the war on terrorism are eroding America's freedoms
at home.

The US PATRIOT Act has been used to persecute immigrants and fuels an
atmosphere of racism and fear. The terrorist threat has been used to
justify removal of public information databases that provided communities
with critical data on industrial hazards. There has been a clampdown on the
Freedom of Information Act, a valuable tool that had been used to hold
polluting corporations accountable for their actions. The PATRIOT Act
criminalizes legal forms of political opposition to controversial
government policies, thereby threatening legitimate political and
environmental activism.

10. The US has threatened to strike Iraq with nuclear weapons - the
ultimate weapons of mass destruction.

In December 2002, a US strategy report claimed that the US "reserves the
right to respond with overwhelming force - including through resort to all
out options - to the use of WMD (weapons of mass destruction) against the
US, our forces abroad, and friends and allies." Bush administration
officials stated that the threat of a nuclear first-strike did not
constitute a policy change.

Bush's 2002 Nuclear Posture Review called for development of new nuclear
weapons including earth-penetrating "bunker busters" and five-kiloton
"mini-nukes" (four "mini-nukes" would contain the explosive force of the
atomic bomb that destroyed Hiroshima).

If nuclear weapons are used in Iraq, Medact fears that 3.9 million people
would die. The radioactive fallout would eventually circle the planet,
dooming even more people to an early death.

Vancouver, what a great city.

Plusses...

Lots of HOT Asian women, but I wasn't looking.. Really.
The ocean.
The mountains.
Lots of Westfalias around. (We saw 5 in the Ikea parking lot yesterday, this is definately where I'll be coming to buy one.)

Minuses...

Smog.
Traffic.
Hastings and Main. (We drove past H & M just to watch the show but there was a cop car parked right on the corner, sadly there was not much of a show going on.)

Could I live here... Yes. But I would have to have a Westfalia so I could run away at a moments notice.

Yes. A Westy with a two person Kayak on the roof, and fishing rods in the back.

I know I've posted this before, but it warrants a return.....


We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hockey, food, or sex.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.


Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.

Pittsburgh, Pa. Friday, Aug. 29, 2003


It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada


Wednesday, July 30, 2003

You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there.

And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.

Allow me to introduce Canada.

The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine.

Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.

And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.

Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don't even have a death penalty!

And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.

And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.

This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.

But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?

Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.

Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States.

These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.

Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.

I wonder if America will ever be that cool.

http://www.post-gazette.com/columnists/20030730sam0730p1.asp

On another subject...

This world is so full of backstabbing lying cheating bastard mother fuckers... And the next mother fucker that fucks me, had better expect a fucking bullet at the base of his skull.

AS I MATURE


I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished..

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

(I've learned some of these lessons more than once... especially the puking part.)

A VISITORS GUIDE TO SASKATOON


1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Sask-a-tune not Stoon and it does not matter how people pronounce it in other places.

2. Saskatoon has its own version of traffic rules. Never forget that downtown Saskatoon is composed in large part of 3 or 4 block streets. The only way to get out of the center of town is to turn around and start over when you reach the river.

3. All directions start with, "Go down Circle Drive ."

4. Circle Drive has no beginning and no end.

5. The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you cannot be from Saskatoon.

7. Idylwyld can only be pronounced by a native Saskatonian, so do not attempt the phonetic pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.

8. Bingo, Bugs and Baseball are a way of life. Deal with it.

9. Construction on Saskatoon streets in summer are a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

10. Many bizarre sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh, we're in the Sutherland ."

11. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.

13. Buying a Saskatoon street map is a waste of money since the termination or continuation of any street is entirely at the discretion of the Works Department of the City.

14. Asking directions will help you get acquainted with the numerous recent residents. It will not be any help at all for finding the address you seek.

15. Never honk your horn at another car in traffic. The bumper sticker that reads, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." is considered a fair warning.

16. Exit and entry ramps on Circle Drive are just the recommended way of entering and exiting, feel free to exit at any grassy point you wish.

Have a nice Day!!!!

I Fought The Law ( The Clash does it best! )

Breakin’ rocks in the hot sun
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I needed the money ’cause I had none
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won

I miss my baby and I feel so bad
I guess my race is run
She’s the best girl I’ve ever had
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won

Robin’ people with a six gun
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won

I miss my baby and I feel so bad
I guess my race is run
She’s the best girl I’ve ever had
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won

Bright Side of Life
Eric Idle

Some things in life are bad,

They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing your life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle,
And this'll help things turn out for the best,
And.....
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistling]
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.
And...
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistling]
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
So,...
Always look on the bright side of death,
[whistling]
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistling]
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]

Rainy Day People
Gordon Lightfoot

Rainy day people always seem to know when it’s time to call.
Rainy day people don’t talk
they just listen till they’ve heard it all.
Rainy day lovers don’t lie when they tell you
they’ve been down like you.
Rainy day people don’t mind if you’re cryin’ a tear or two.

If you get lonely, all you really need is that rainy day love.
Rainy day people all know there’s no sorrow
they can’t rise above.
Rainy day lovers don’t love any others
that would not be kind.
Rainy day people all know how it hangs
on their peace of mind.

Rainy day lovers don’t lie when they tell you
they’ve been down there, too.
Rainy day people don’t mind if you’re cryin’ a tear or two.

Rainy day people always seem to know
when you’re feelin’ blue
I steps and stutters around in the gutters
sometimes need one, too.
Take it or leave it or try to believe it,
f you’ve been down too long,
Rainy day lovers don’t hide love inside, they just pass it on.

Rainy day lovers don’t hide love inside, they just pass it on.

I had my FIRST EVER peanut butter and jam sandwich today. Peanut butter and honey is better.

Yup. I screwed it up. Luckily they are giving me a second chance.. more info later.

FYI, don't expect much to happen with the website over the next few months.

Today was the day.

I got a call yesterday afternoon, to see if I was up for having my pilot interview. So... I had from 1620 yesterday until 0830 this morning to prepare for the most important interview of my life....

It went from 0830 until about 0940.

I am scared as hell..

I'll let you know more when I know more.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ......

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Fuck. Blah.

BLAH BLAH BLAH..

Blah blah blah..

Work is sometimes like that.

I mis-quoted Cartman... How shameful of me. Thanks Freak! It is good to know that someone out there is paying attention! Doesn't it suck to cut and past something, only to discover the original was wrong?

Anyway, rather than correcting my error, here is a link so you can listen to the original!

http://www.evjen.ca/pie.swf

Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys,
All on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. - Anon

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.' - Steve Wright

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. - Jack Handey

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like fries with that?' - Jay Leno

If some girl tried to beat me up, I'd be like 'HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and bake me some pie!' - Cartman

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN! THEY WANT TO!!

A husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life .."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"NO SHIT. Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?

I just finished watching Cast Away again. Do you ever notice how everyone says Castaway, like in Robinson Crusoe? Not Cast Away, as in thrown out? The title of the movie is Cast Away... kinda puts it in a different light.

Did anyone else relate to Tom Hanks character? I'm just wondering if that is something that everyone feels or if it is just me. Here is how I relate. Here is a guy, working very hard to further his career, which ultimately destroys his home life. So then he is stuck, on an island, with no-one. No family, no friends, no support and no JOB. Was it worth it? I don't think so. He goes a little insane. He gets snapped back into reality, to find the world has changed.

Is Smithers my island?


Drop me an email, let me know how you related to the movie. What parts you could identify with. I want to know if this is how everyone feels.

brent@evjen.ca

A quote... "I'm an introvert who has brilliant extrovert skills. People have a hard time believing I'm shy."

4 Days in Saskatoon. Arrive tired. Fly tired. Leave tired. Home, tired.

This was voted as the number one joke in Australia!

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbor Bridge one day in his car when he saw his girlfriend, Sheila just about to throw herself off the bridge into the water far below.

Bruce slammed on the brakes and shouted, "Sheila! What the fuck do you think you're doing'?"

Sheila turned around with a tear in her eye and said,"Bruce, you got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce got a lump in his throat when he heard this and replied, "Sheila, not only are you a great fuck, but you're a good sport too!"

What the fuck... Doesn't anybody send me email's anymore?

I walked into the interview with a great deal of confidence and enthusiasm. Flying airplanes was my one true passion in this life. This was my big chance to merge my occupation with my love. I would become an airline pilot.

"So you want to be an airline pilot?" the interviewer inquired.

"Yes, sir, more than anything else I have ever wanted," I replied, realizing I sounded like an anxious adolescent.

"Well, great, welcome aboard," the airline executive said.

"You mean I'm hired?!" I cheered.

"You bet, we're glad to have you. Actually, we've had trouble finding good pilots to hire," the exec explained. If I was surprised, it was overshadowed by my joy of reaching my dream.

"Let's just go over a few points before you sign on the dotted line," the company man chortled. "We're going to send you to the world's most renowned medical center. They'll spend two days probing you body orifices, draining and analyzing your blood, an d administering psychological exams. They'll literally take you apart and put you back together. If they find any hint of current or future problems, you're fired and can find your own ride home."

"Gee, I think my health is O. K.," I nervously choked out.

The manager went on, "Good, next we'll evaluate your flying skills in an aircraft you've never been in before. "If we don't like the way you perform, you're fired,"

I was confident with my flying, but this guy was making me nervous.

He continued, "Next, if you're still here, we'll run you through our training program. If during any time in the next 10 years you decide to leave the company, you'll have to reimburse us $20,000, or we'll sue you. Also if you fail to measure up during training, you're fired."

The man who had just given me my dream job listed still more hurdles.

"Each time, before we allow you near one of our multimillion dollar aircraft we'll X-ray your flight bag and luggage, because we don't tru s t you. Also we'll ask you to pass through a magnetometer each time. If you fail to do so, you'll be arrested and jailed."

"When you've completed your flight, we'll have you provide a urine sample, because we don't trust you to not take drugs. Very soon, we plan to take a blood sample to look for more drugs.

"Also if you ever fly with another crew member who may have used drugs or alcohol, you must report to us immediately. If you fail to notice that anyone has used these substances, you'll be fired, have your license to fly revoked, and be fined $10,000."

"Every six months, we want you to go back to the medical center for another exam. If they ever find a hint of a problem, your license to fly will be revoked and we'll fire you. Anytime you see a medical person, you must tell us about it so we can see if you need to be grounded and terminated. Also, we need to examine your driving record, and you must tell us if you have even any minor infractions so we can remove you from the cockpit as soon as possible."

"At any time, without notice, a special branch of the government will send one of its inspectors to ride in your aircraft. The inspector will demand to see your papers and license, If your papers are not in order, you'll be removed, fined, terminated, and possibly jailed."

"If at any time you make an error in judgment or an honest human mistake, you will be terminated, be fined tens of thousands of dollars, and be dragged through months of court proceedings. The government will make sure you never fly again for any airline."

Smiling an evil smile now, the airline hirer went on. "Oh, and one last thing to cover. Occasionally, we in management fail to see a trend and screw up royally or the country's economy falls flat on its face. If as a result of one of those events the corporation begins to lose money, you as an employee will be expected to make up the losses from your paycheck, or we may just lay you off from time to time in order to keep our profits up, even if we're not in a bad financial way."

"Now sign here," he pointed, grinning as he handed me a pen.

I faked a sudden nosebleed. Holding my head back and pinching my nostrils, I hurried from his office. When I got to the hall, I began to run. I ran all the way to my car. I figured if I hurried I could still get to the county vocational school before 5:00 and enroll in the industrial welding career program.

http://www.star.t.u-tokyo.ac.jp/projects/MEDIA/xv/oc.html

I passed my dispatch ride today! I'm still in post-ride-fried mode. My brain hurts! I'm glad that is done. That is all.

Vomiting is one of those subjects people often try to graze over when discussing drinking.

They prefer to center on the glamorous aspects of drinking, the cerebral impairment, the fights and mishaps, the staggering around blindly and the cool hangover cures.

But let’s face up to reality: while many a boozer likes to brag he never or rarely reverses the flow of alcohol, truth be known, even the most accomplished drinker finds occasion to vomit. Even if it’s just to make room for more booze or to impress fellow imbibers with the distance he can launch the meat loaf he had for lunch.

Personally, I believe every aspect of alcohol should be celebrated and elevated, the good and the bad, the pleasure and the pain, the hooching and, yes, the hurling. And if you’re going to do something, even something that may ostracize you from polite society, you should do it right.

Never Retreat, Never Surrender
First off, public puking is something you should never do halfway. It’s very bad form to bolt out of a room, hand clasped over your mouth, chunks of half-digested Dinty Moore frothing between your fingers. This behavior is akin to a barely wounded soldier fleeing the battlefield in disgrace.

If you have sufficient warning, tell your companions: “Do excuse me, but I must vomit,” and stroll casually to the restroom to relieve yourself. That is not retreating, that is merely retiring to the rear to refit and regroup, so you may later return to the front and continue the gallant struggle.

If you cannot exit with that bare minimum of dignity, however, you must stand in place like a soldier chained to a machine gun and let them have it.

Ralphing the O'Maolain Way
Once you have decided that, yes, you are going to hurl, and no, you’re not going to make it to the restroom in a respectable fashion, try your best to refrain from spewing in a haphazard and sloppy manner. No matter how drunk you are, it is never cool having food and stomach acid jet out of your nostrils.

One of the biggest mistakes a vomiter can make is bending over. This puts pressure on your diaphragm and makes the act of expulsion much more difficult and painful. Hanging your head at that angle is not only unflattering, it virtually guarantees a nose full of something you don’t want. Stand up, tall and proud (yet leaning slightly forward so you don’t get any on yourself). After all, you should be proud. You just drank enough booze to make even an experienced drinker as yourself regurgitate. And while you’re standing there, upright and dignified, realize that where you aim that puke is of vital strategic importance.

Select Your Target Carefully
One of the greatest afflictions of the novice drinker is a hair-trigger vomit reflex. One minute you’re humping the bejesus out of a Tijuana hooker, the next you’re hosing her down with recycled Herradura.

So you have to be ready at all times. You must precondition yourself so your target selection will be a thoughtless, instinctual act. And I do mean target, because once you pick a direction to let loose, you gotta stick with it. If you start puking on something (your girlfriend’s shoes, say), then try to redirect the stream somewhere less likely to earn you a knee to the groin, you will most likely inflict collateral damage on a wide assortment of targets. Each of which may earn you an additional knee to the groin, not to mention punches to the head. So take aim and get your money’s worth. Hold down the trigger and empty the magazine because, after all, there’s no such thing as half a knee to the groin.

Try to avoid white and unwashable fabrics. The same goes for valuable and sentimental objects owned by people who give you booze, money, or sex. Aim for porcelain or tile, point the stream at hard, smooth surfaces that are easy to clean. Hurl the bile at enclosures, such as planted pots and empty pitchers, even a pint glass will reduce collateral damage and, more importantly, will signal to observers that you are an experience puker.

If you do have to target something valuable or unsalvageable, don’t be to hard on yourself. Any place who lets humans drink more than a normal ration of alcohol has to accept the possibility of intestinal retribution. It’s practically a law. A fine example is what occurred at an infamous 1976 New Years Eve party at the parents of a high-school pal of mine. The parents thought themselves fiendishly clever by stocking their home with eye-poppingly white couches, chairs, and carpets, thinking it would surely prevent teenagers from making Purple Jesus Punch (with extra Everclear, because we were teenagers). Well, it didn’t, and when the inevitable vomiting started it was like Barney the Dinosaur had lost an argument with a propeller blade. Who’s fault was this? The teenagers? No. The kid who threw the party? No. The parents? Check. They knew that kid was going to mutate into a teenager when they had him.

When People Puke on People
It happens. You find yourself in a tight crowd and no matter which direction you turn, there’s some poor sap standing there, gaping at you when he should be leaping out of the way. Start bulging your cheeks at me and I’m already halfway across the room, smoking a cigarette.

I can remember just one occasion in which that fine instinct failed me. I was standing with friends in a tightly packed bar and suddenly a friend starting making with the bullfrog impression. While everyone else stood there, gawking in terror and thus deserving a good drenching, I lunged gracefully backwards into the crowd. Seeing an open corridor, my friend followed, hosing me down as he went. Like a faithful puking dog, he followed me across the entire length of the room, spraying me with vomit like it was not only his job, but a job he took extremely seriously.

I forgave my friend, even hours later when I was still finding vomit in different pockets, but not everyone is as laissez-faire about it. When you realize you must vomit on a fellow human being, you must immediately choose between friends and strangers. The decision rests entirely upon how good a fighter you think you are. A friend is more likely to forgive you, but he is also likely to stop buying you drinks. If you must choose between a man and a woman, go for the man. He may clobber you, but if you puke on a woman, first she’ll knee you, then her boyfriend will clobber you.

If you’re the self-sacrificing type, you may gallantly leap upon the grenade you’re about to drop and puke on your own chest. I’ve seen it done, but I don’t recommend it. While it may seem noble and save you from a punch, a vomit stain down the front of your shirt is as the mark of Cain. Bartenders will not serve you. Girls will not wish to make out with you. Friends will mock you. For you, the party is over.

The Aftermath
When it comes time to clean up the mess, a word of advice: don’t. That’s what dogs are for. You’d probably just grind it deeper into the carpet anyhow. Behave as if it’s no big deal. Apologizing profusely may spare you a thrashing, but your dignity as a drunk will suffer a graver injury. There is nothing more pathetic than a man who has just puked crawling around in a puddle of vomit with a paper towel in his hand, trying to make amends. You are a sick man, after all, and sick men shouldn’t be subjected to such humiliation and cruelty.

Do not feel guilty for puking. Stand up for your rights. If pushed, ask them if they really wanted you to keep that (make a subtle gesture towards the ejecta) inside of you.

Or you can brazen it out. Act unabashedly proud and point out interesting food chunks while hoping the hosts have servants who are even now approaching with hot water and disinfectants. If caught red-handed, I always opt for this bold approach. Sometimes, if the room is drunk enough, I try to really brazen it out, insisting that I did not just vomit, that it was (insert the name of likely scapegoat here) who did it, then demand an apology. On some groups it works. The upper-crust British, for example, are such slaves of etiquette you can vomit on half of Burke’s Peerage and get away with it by employing this method.

If you puked on someone and they possess the ill manners to remain standing, perhaps even seething, before you, say, “Terribly bad form, I regret it deeply.” Then wipe the puke from your lips with the nearest available absorbent material (resist the urge to use your victim’s tie) and always remember to smile. Too many people don’t smile enough, and the world would be a better place if we smiled more. Make the most of this opportunity, let the warmth of your smile increase the human bond between you. Offer him an Altoids, even before you eat one. Then gracefully stroll away, as if on the way to an important, but not pressing, engagement.

If this bold approach is not your style, you can either pretend to pass out (the Possum Gambit) or make a face like you might do it again and make haste for the front door (the Rattlesnake Ruse). By the time you come back (in twenty minutes or twenty years, depending on severity of the episode), it’ll be all cleaned up and you can plead drunken forgetfulness of the whole affair.

Of course, there a limits to what lengths you may go to save face. To venture beyond those limits is to risk severely damaging the minds of those unfortunate enough to witness your misguided efforts to mask your misstep. To illustrate the point; I offer this disturbing personal experience:

While attending a party, I watched a foreign exchange student chug an entire pitcher of Coors. No big deal, we were young and did crazy things back in the day (the Coors part, not the chugging of pitchers). Shortly thereafter, he got the “Oh shit, I have to barf” look. He goggled at the throng of people between him and the restroom, his eyes darting back and forth for a solution. Suddenly, quietly, he puked into the empty pitcher. I think he was one of those British-educated exchange students, for he did it neatly, silently, and didn’t spill a drop. So far, so good. He glanced around furtively, thinking no one had noticed. He was in the clear. He’d pulled it off! Then, suddenly, inexplicably, unbelievably, he drank the pitcher again, in an attempt to conceal the evidence.

Our eyes bugged with disbelief. Even more incredible was the fact he didn’t regurgitate again. But we did.

Like an insanely polite man attempting to hide an unfashionably hissing stick of dynamite, he set off a chain-reaction, Monty-Pythonesque, mass-pukathon that haunts me to this day.

The Astonishing Comeback
I’m ashamed to say that some drunks I know think vomiting sounds just like last call, when it should sound like the bar’s door being unlocked. You just made a whole bunch of room for more booze! I’m not saying you should go shake hands with the liquid fiend that made you puke in the first place (probably tequila), I’m saying you should ease into a nice stomach-soothing pint of Guinness. Maybe a nice White Russian to replace your stomach lining.

* * *

Special Bonus Section: The Secrets of Projectile Vomiting
Any high school punk with a belly full of Purple Jesus Punch can puke on his neighbor’s shoes. It takes a real drunk to nail a moving target from halfway across the room. Why would you wish to do such a terrible thing? Perhaps you don’t care for the quality of your company. Perhaps you’ve been informed your highly-prized keg privileges have been revoked. Maybe you just spotted your girlfriend making out with your best friend and can’t think of a better way of informing them of your outrage.

In the face of these circumstances, the projectile vomit is the ultimate weapon: it will clear a crowded room, it will demoralize the most upbeat bash, it will steal the desire to make out from even the most wanton of ex-girlfriends. Here’s how you do it:

At the first sign of trouble, stand up straight. Use good posture, you will find it much easier to direct your flow. I gleaned this lesson from opera singers, who know the value of being able to project.

Keep your mouth shut. Let it well up deep inside you, building the force and power necessary to clear the safety zone that may well be forming around you. Hold it as long as you can, let the power grow. When you can’t hold it any longer, open your mouth wide and let fly. Keep that posture intact, act as if you’re hitting an A note at The Met. You may arch your neck and head forward to give that extra little push, and make sure you use your lips to funnel the tail end of the comet well away from you.

For additional effect, aim the stream at a ceiling fan in hopes of initiating an unforgettable barf-fest of Stephen King proportions. It’s that easy.
—Marc O’Maolain

Main Entry: hyp·o·crite
Pronunciation: 'hi-p&-"krit
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Old French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritEs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai
Date: 13th century
: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion- hypocrite adjective

Main Entry: hy·poc·ri·sy
Pronunciation: hi-'pä-kr&-sE also hI-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -sies
Etymology: Middle English ypocrisie, from Old French, from Late Latin hypocrisis, from Greek hypokrisis act of playing a part on the stage, hypocrisy, from hypokrinesthai to answer, act on the stage, from hypo- + krinein to decide -- more at CERTAIN
Date: 13th century
1 : a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; especially : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion
2 : an act or instance of hypocrisy

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Canada the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them...."

"I'm So Excited About Canadians Ruling The World!" - - Prime Minister John Diefenbaker

Posted by Jay and Silent Bob:
My autographed copy of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and my Buddy Christ came in the mail today. Very cool.


In Reply to: Jay & Silent Bob lick balls - Darth Randal 15:25:37

All you motherfuckers are gonna pay, You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all fucking next.

Love,

Jay and Silent Bob

Fuck... I'm just totally getting into working 4 on 4 off, and they are changing my schedule. Monday to Friday. Does that eat my ass or what? What the fuck, over?

Effective May 1, 2003, meals will not be provided for space available passengers traveling on Domestic/Transborder routes personal travel.. If your station presently makes arrangements to top up meals with the caterers to encompass space available employees traveling please ensure that effective May 1,2003, they discontinue this practice. Meals will continue to be provided for Pos travel.

FUCK YOU AIR CANADA.

It is tax time again. I feel ripped off. I pay TONS of taxes. I suspect I'll pay even more in the future. I paid for my education myself, and yet I was not able to write off it as an expense. I still paid almost $40 G's for a little piece of paper that says I can fly a plane, but I cannot deduct it because I did not attend a formal school. Rip off.

Enough of all this. I think the government should institute a "user pay" schedule for everything. Kinda like they have with the entire aviation industry in Canada. Now the airlines pay to use navigation equipment, fees for landing and departing at airports, etc etc. And now the passengers have to pay extra on their tickets instead of the govenrment taxing everyone in the country to pay for services not everyone uses.

So by that logic. I've never had to use welfare... why should I pay for it. I've paid my whole life for unemployment / employment insurance, and only ever collected for about 1 month. ( a reduced ammount because I was still working part time. ) I think I've paid my share, I don't want to pay any more. PST... when I am visiting a province that pays PST, I should be exempt. I don't live there, why should I have to pay? When foriegn travellers come to Canada and spend their much welcome money, they get a GST rebate when they go home! Can I get a rebate the next time I pay PST in Saskatchewan? Health care... I am relatively fit.. I am not a smoker. I figure that since I don't need a doctor very often, I'll just stop paying for health care up front, and when I go to the doctor, I'll just take a big wad of cash with me. Hmmmm.... maybe the doctor and I can arrange some sort of fair trading agreement. He might need a flight to Australia, and I might be able to hook him up at a reasonable price....

Here is an idea. The banks and oil companies are making record profits. Tax the hell out of them. The reason they are making record profits is because they are screwing us! Lets take something back from those bastards.

Tax tobacco companies, and tax cigarettes more. This is how it must work. Tax the tobacco companies so much they stop selling in Canada. Tax cigarettes so much that people quit smoking right about the time the tobacco comapnies leave. Put the money recieved into some sort of investment so it can make some money, and support the health care costs incurred by all the smokers who didn't quit soon enough.

Legalise and tax gambling. It shouldn't be for churches and native groups anymore. Viva Lost Wages. If you are dumb enough to gamble and loose your money, you are dumb enough. I'll take your cash, thank you!

Legalise prostitution.... tax it too. Call it a flat tax.

Tax churches.

No more tax breaks for anybody. (ouch I just bit my tounge.)

Fuck it. As soon as I get enough flying time under my belt. I'm outta here. I hear Air Rourotonga is looking for pilots.

So, after posting the rant about "your" and "you're". I've recieved some negative feedback about my attitude. If I was incorrect, the negative feedback would be understandable. But, since I'm not... (not to put too much of a fine edge on my response ) ...screw off.

To all the people who gave a positive response, thanks for your support. I hope you're feeling better now too!

So... before I left Calgary with the car, the oil change guy (luber) told me I had a broken spring. I thought that sucks, because I have neither the time or the money to fix it. I hit the road the very next day. On the way to Smithers, I discovered that the water pump was leaking. So since then I've been buying the cheapest antifreeze I could find, Zellers $6, and I've been filling it up every few days to a week. Lately, the car has been making quite an ugly grinding noise when I make left turns. Last night, we went over a bump and the car made a loud clunk and lurched to the right, and the grinding became constant. Luckily we were only 2 houses from home, so we made it to the driveway. Today I went out to have a look, and I couldn't see anything more than the broken spring. But since the car was sounding waayyy to bad to drive to the shop. I called a tow truck. Since the front of the car had to be lifted to get it to the shop, I had to back the car out of the driveway. I made it about 10 feet, and the right side of the car collapsed. The right ball joint had failed. So we managed to get the car picked up and tow it to the shop, which cost me $45 just for the tow. It is a 10 minute walk to the shop, but a $45 tow. Ouch. Wether it was a block, 10 blocks, or 10 miles, really makes no difference. The car was unserviceable in the condition it was in, and the tow truck got the car to the shop without any more damage. I guess it was worth $45.

So we get to the shop, the only shop that would take us on the long weekend, get it up on the lift, and all I see underneath is uglyness. I can see visions of $100's with wings on them flying out of my wallet. Here is what I've asked them to do.

Fix the broken springs, both sides, no sense doing one side and not the other.
Fix the broken ball joint, which will have to include the way bar bushings, but that is good because the car isn't going anywhere withot this getting fixed.
Fix the leaky water pump, which hopefully is just the gasket. Kevin Louis you are an asshole. He fixed it a few years back, and he probably fucked up the gasket putting it in. That is OK, I've gotten plenty of revenge on him in advance. ( How is that windshield doing? )
And since they are also a tire shop, I ordered 2 new front tires, cause these were screwed.
And my insurance / plates expire at the end of this month? Did they expire already? Hmmm, another $600.

So everyone that I owe money to... Bear with me, it will be another month or so. I need my car to get to work. I would take my bike, but when I start work at 03:45, I am not riding my bike.

Did I mention that I am broke?

I was going to change the name of "My Opinion" to "My Therapy", but I was watching a movie the other day, and on the special edition DVD, there was a crazy lady preaching that I was going to go to hell for watching said movie. Her 15 seconds of fame was entitled "My Opinion".. I'm keeping my opinion. Maybe this way I won't burn in hell.

Well here it is... Version 3! What do you think? I seem to do a new version every year or so. And every year seems to translate to about one thousand page views. Pretty cool. Drop me a line, I want to know what you think of the new website, and I would love to see who is looking again. It used to be easy, when I only had a few regular viewers, but now I can't always figure out who is looking. Who of you was looking from the domain mjcatholic.ca ? It is for a Moose Jaw, Sk, school! Al is that you??

On another subject.... english to be exact. This has been bugging me for a while... The use of the word "your" instead of "you're".

Pay attention now.. I just copied this from a buddies website...

"your eighteen, your in 7-11, you don't know sh#t about sh#t, and pull up your f*ckin' pants." - Dennis Leary

Right idea, wrong word.

Your is possesive, as in... "Those are your shoes, they belong to you."

You're is used when you are describing something that someone is. As in "You're an asshole, give me my shoes."

So when someone says "your eighteen..."... I think, your 18 what? 18 year old scotch? 18 year old daughter? 18 cans of beer?

"You're" is a contraction for "You are", do you see it? you're = you are.

If you don't uderstand, you're in need of some english classes... Like the ones your 18 eighteen year old daugher is in.

pull up your f*ckin' pants!

Ya know? There are some days a guy just can't win. You try to do stuff the right fucking way, only to find out the rules have changed.. Ever heard of the term "MANGRY"? Can't shoot 'em, can't leave 'em on the side of the road when you're done with them. And NO I'm not talking about Kathy.

How do you like that? A guy spends his whole life looking for certain things, some thing he gets, some he doesn't. Some things come at exactly the worst time, and he has to turn them away. That sucks, but the long term reward is worth the sacrifice! Thanks for the smile!

Ya know what? This flying thing is fucked. Looking back on everything now, I should have just gone back to school and got a degree. The fucking bullshit that pilots have to put up with to get anywhere, is retarted. The next time you are sitting back complaining about how much money pilots make, think about all the sacrifices they had to make to get to where they are. One of our pilots has moved 7 times in the last 5 years. How stable is that. How can anyone lead a normal life with that kind of bullshit. How much does that hat really cost?

When you are complaining about how much they get paid, remember, when you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. How would you like a monkey flying your 747, with 400 people onboard. Nuff said.

Air Canada files for bankrupcy protection! Today! You fucking dumb fucks. The allmighty Air Canada has fallen. All the arrogance in the world can't save you now. You're going down sucker. The beer must be flowing at WestJet, the fags. And the government, has already declared it will help Air Canada, where the hell were you when Canada's finest airline was struggling? Canadian Airlines, was the best airline this country has ever seen, and ever will see. All hail Canadi>n. All hail Canadi>n. All hail Canadi>n.

A bit of Shit history:
People use to think that shit was flat, but imaginative minds looked at their turds and said "Shit!. Its oblong!" So explorers went sailing looking for a quick route to get to the other side so as to trade shit with other countries. Norseman went looking for a place to shit and stopped on a big chunk of ice which they originally named "Steamy Brownland" but later changed it to Greenland for marketing purposes. European explorers were looking for a place to shit and ended up in the Caribbean islands. The islanders picked up their shit and smoked it. More and more people who did not like the shit where they were, ended up here, seeking a place to shit in freedom. The American natives said "How!" and the pilgrims squatted and said "Like this!" The Indian laughed at the pilgrim and ran away. The white man drew borders around their piles of shit and elected shitbaggers, who could talk and shit at the same time, to tell them how to shit. Soon, what was talk and what was shit became lost on everyone. Soon African peoples began to show up and were forced to make shit for the white toilet paper maker. There was a great shit war between brothers whose beliefs on how to make and control shit differed from each other. The northern shitters beat the crap out of the southern shitters and burned down their outhouses. The great leader from the north freed the Africans from forced shit. but they still lived in shit for many years because some thought their shit was genetically inferior. A lot of white people began to move west to mine for shit. The Indians said, "Shit" and the white man shit all over them. yada yada yada Then came the Reconstruction Era...a whole lot of shit went down. Too much shit for one roll of paper.
What is shit?
Allot of Americans prefer to shit as their forefathers did. Allot of us are decendants from hard working immigrants who brought their own shit and together we all made some really good shit. Some people are bringing in new shit and we can't even tell if its really shit or not. We prefer them to shit like us so as to fit in a little better. Some people are now throwing their shit at each other and its getting really nasty. Some people are sneaking in so they can shit for free. Some people get elected to office by offering shit to people who already have a lot of shit or to people that don't deserve any shit. Meanwhile, the shit workers continue to be shit on. Supposedly, the shit is suppose to be spread around somewhat. Others say that the shit is supposed to trickle down but by the time it gets to the bottom, it's sometimes too runny to be of any use. Our government takes too much out of the shit we earn and give it to people who are severely constipated or too lazy to shit for themselves. If you have too much shit, the government will take it from you. Some people are in shit because they stole shit from other peoples shit 401K savings. The government likes to regulate shit so that they can control its quality or price. The government pays some people not to shit. The government gives some people shit stamps to buy toilet paper but secretly buy cigarettes instead. Some people want everyone in the world to shit alike..this is called Globalshitation. Some people have nice toilets to shit in...others shit outside (or come over to your house and shit in their pants until you give them a toilet) Some people like to smoke shit and want it legalized. Some people get addicted to shit and will kill you for it. You can buy tickets to win a whole bunch of shit. Most every home as at least 2 or 3 boxes at home on which you can sit and watch nothing but shit..even digitized! "Reality Shitting" has become a popular thing on the shitbox. Contests to see who can eat the most goat shit are common. "Date Shitting" is another show where one sex picks out a partner based how lovely their shit is. "Meet the Shit" is a show where the parents of a spoiled shit would like to kick the shit out of the contestants. "American Shit" is contest to see who is the best shitter in the land. What we really learn is that most people really struggle to shit something worthwhile. Some people want to kill people in other lands because they don't like their shit but are apt to suffer a pre-emptive shit attack in the very near future. Some people like to chain theirselves to shit because their pile is in danger of drying up. Scientists are working on a way to clone shit...as if we don't already have enough. Some people drive shit that use to belong to someone else while other drive huge piles of shit that you have to use a ladder to jump into. Sometimes, popular singers will shit before many people at a championship football game..but everyone can tell they are only farting because their grunts are seriously out of sync. There is some terrible bad shits coming out of the radio. I like the classic shit best. More and more people are carrying around "cell toilets" so they can shit in the car or the grocery store aisle and show everyone how important their shit is. It is rumored that these "cell toilets" may cause colon cancer. If you bad mouth my pile of shit, I will sue you for outrageous amounts of shit. Under every pile of shit is a lawyer.
Now let us go and shit..where no man has shit before.

www.shitclub.net

I left my home in Norfolk Virginia
California on my mind
I straddled that Greyhound
And rode into Raleigh
And on across Caroline

We had motor trouble that turn into a struggle
Halfway across Alabam'
And that hound broke down and left us all stranded
In downtown Birmingham

Right away I brought me a through train ticket
Ridin' across Mississippi clean
And I was on that midnight flyer out of Birmingham
Smoking into New Orleans

Somebody help me get out of Louisiana
Just to help me get to Houston Town
There are people there who care a little about me
And they won't let the poor boy down

Sure as you're born brought me a silk suit
Put luggage in my hand
And I woke up high over Alberquerque
On a jet to the promised land

Working on a T-bone steak a la carte
Flying over to the golden state
Ah when the pilot told us in thirteen minutes
He would set us at the terminal gate

Swing low chariot come down easy
Taxi to the terminal zone
Cut your engines and cool your wings
And let me make it to the telephone

Los Angeles give me Norfolk Virginia
Tidewater four ten o nine
Tell the folks back home this is the promised land calling
And the poor boy is on the line

Working on a T-bone steak a la carte
Flying over to the golden state
Ah when the pilot told us in thirteen minutes
He would set us at the terminal gate

Swing low chariot come down easy
Taxi to the terminal zone
Cut your engines and cool your wings
And let me make it to the telephone

Los Angeles give me Norfolk Virginia
Tidewater four ten o nine
Tell the folks back home this is the promised land calling
And the poor boy is on the line

Air Canada and West Jet decided to engage in a dragonboat race.

Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day they felt ready. West Jet won by a mile. Afterward, the Air Canada team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding: The West Jet team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Air Canada team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm (Proudfoot) concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Air Canada team.
So as race day neared the following year, the Air Canada team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: Four steering managers, four area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The next year West Jet won by two miles. Humiliated, Air Canada laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.

Fucking Air Canada. Fucking West Jet. They both killed Canadi>n, the best airline this coutnry has ever seen. Canadi>n always had awsome dragonboat teams, because they volunteered.

Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense, I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly-veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this cuz we've seen what you do to the countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

We're moved in. The computer is hooked up and working. I'll have an update for this tired old website any day now!

audblog audio post

Can anyone translate this???

Batgung

Hmmmm... its working for me! Anyone else having problems reading this?

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were only 3 survivors;

Damian, Darren and Deirdre..........

They manage to swim to a small island.......and they lived there for a couple of years..... doing what's natural for men and women to do.....

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely horrible about what she had been doing...................

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself...............

It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and, after a while nature once more took its inevitable course..............

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing.....................

So, They buried her.

Jason : Never alone.

Randy and Em (and anyone else who wants it) : #2 4247 Astlais Place, P.O. Box 5129, Smithers, B.C., V0J 2N0

Cara: Wat are you doing later this year, like in fall maybe?

Greg : Did you buy the fucking paper or what? Did you at least read it? I made your CD, it is waiting for you.

Sean : chortle chortle

Chris : Good luck buddy, you'll do fine.

Dirty : Are you a mom yet?

Mary-Lou, Allan, Peter, Cara : Thanks. ( Thanks on a webpage seems hardly enough, but you know I feel it in my heart. )

Did you know that george W bush and osama bin laden are gay lovers! Maybe were gay lovers is better, now poor georgie porgie, has a sore ass, and he is pouting. He is pouting because saddam hussein sodomised osama, now osama loves saddam sodomy.

War -- Edwin Starr

Oh no-there's got to be a better way
Say it again
There's got to be a better way-yeah
What is it good for?
*War has caused unrest
Among the younger generation
Induction then destruction
Who wants to die?
War-huh
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
War-huh
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Yeah
War-I despise
'Cos it means destruction
Of innocent lives
War means tears
To thousands of mothers how
When their sons go off to fight
And lose their lives
I said
War-huh
It's an enemy of all mankind
No point of war
'Cos you're a man
*(Repeat)
Give it to me one time-now
Give it to me one time-now
War has shattered
Many young men's dreams
We've got no place for it today
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But Lord, there's just got to be a better way
It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker
War
Friend only to the undertaker
War
War
War-Good God, now
Now
Give it to me one time now
Now now
What is it good for?

The Buffalo Theory and Beer.

In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm.

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Normy, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

I'm trying. My hardest, I want to do the right thing, but I FUCKING HATE BEING LIED TO!

Beware, I did another server change... if someting isn't working properly mail me at brent@evjen.ca

Just getting prepared for the big move.

Brgds.

Brent

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2910059963&category=1469

Some people will try to sell anything.

I did it. It took a pile of thought, and courage, but I did it. ... I've done the best that I can today..

Thanks Cara.

Wow, what an epifany I had tonight... When you stop banging your head against a brick wall, it stops hurting. Maybe instead of just not banging the brick wall I should fucking demolish it... Anybody care to come over and pick up the pieces! Watch out....

Too bad... no matter how I feel I could never do it..

Cara, do you want a roommate? I'll help you move again... Can I bring my cat?

Wow I just found the coolest thing!

I log onto this chat room, and they pass me a link, so I plug in the URL, and BAM, MUSIC! And then while listening to the tunes the DJ welcomes me by name! I gotta get this for my website!

Thanks ^Dreams^.

check it out http://connect.to/backdoor-radio

I wonder, Kathy do you ever see read this?


How Did We Get From Saying I Love You... Great Big Sea


"It's a cold day for September", was all I thought to say
When I saw you on the street the other day
I knew something changed between us, all the talk we made was small
But what do you say to someone when they've heard you say it all?
It's an awkward conversation, in a most peculiar way...

Chorus:
How did we get from saying "I love you" to "I'll see you around someday?"

It seemed like only days ago, we had so much to say
Did we take it all for granted?, did it all gets thrown away?
"It calls for rain this afternoon", she finally replied
Then there was such a stuttering silence, that I felt my mouth go dry
We'll talk about the weather, cause there's not much more to say...

Chorus x 2

Has all the ice been broken,
All our surfaces been scratched
Have all the words been spoken,
Have we finally met our match?
Cause its an awkward conversation,
In a most peculiar way

Chorus x 3

After reading the latest Feedback, I don't know what to make of Pear Jam - Riot Act... I've never been a big Pear Jam fan so I think I'll let this one slide by. Unless someone wants to mail me a few mp3's so I can sample it before I go buy it.

Merry and Pippin were rescued by Treebeard, not captured. The book goes into soo much more detail about this. I thought the movie did a bit of a dis-service to Treebeard. In the book, he is immediately shown as a friend rather than foe. The movie shows the two hobbits, being afraid and angry at Trebeard at different times, which I didn't get from the book. Regardless THE TWO TOWERS ROCKS. I can't wait until it shows here on the IMAX. We say Attack of the Clones on the IMAX and it was the way to go! I wonder if there is a matinee tomorrow...

I've had a new rash of emails sent to me regarding email viruses! EVERY SINGLE WARNING I HAVE EVER RECIEVED HAS BEEN A HOAX!

Here is a link that you can check to see if it is a hoax or not. OR, if you actually are concerned enough this site will tell you everything you need to know about protecting yourself from viruses.

http://www.symantec.com/search/

Just enter some keywords into the search box, eg Budweiser Frogs...

Try this before sending all your friends email that no body needs cluttering up their inbox!

Priority: High

As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this Sunday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all Canadian women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all Canadian women. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. The Canadian Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God Bless Canada!

IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON!

I know I know, big promises to update the website, and nothing comes thru! I'll be home wed, this week, and Kathy will be working nights, so I'll have lots of time, and nothing to do. Feedback will be updated, the main page will be updated, and maybe some new links! Fuck this soup is burning my mouth.

Day THREE in Smithers. This place ROCKS. The workplace does anyway. I've met just about the whole company. The president saw me walking to work this afternoon, and gave me a smile and a wave as he pulled out of the parking lot. Cool! The whole 2 months I was in PA, the owners of transwest air (not capitalised on purpose) never even made eye contact with me. Today I learned to do flight plans in the computer. The guy teaching me has done over 30,000 flight plans in his dispatch career. I've now done 3. :-) (Plus a bunch of practice ones!)

Telus has digital cellular service here. So soon I'll have a cell phone that can do text messages again! I'll have high speed internet here, and I think we'll get a satellite dish. This is gonna rock!

Sean. I didn't get a chance to upload your latest reviews. I'll be home monday, I'll get you fixed up then!

P.S. I'm a loser. I forgot to pack a comb or brush, so I've been brushing my hair with my toothbrush. It is suprising how well it works. NO IT ISN'T BECAUSE I'M GOING BALD.

Day ONE in Smithers working for Central Mountain Air. Can't talk much, working. YeeHaw!