You, Yakoo, maker and creator of the devil.

Swine merchant, your time is near at hand.

Fuck with me and your time will be now.

Your presence here affects the mind of my people like a fever.

You, Yakoo, are the bearer of Nine thousand Nine hundred and Ninety Nine diseases

Evil, corrupt pork chop eating brain ...

Fool me once, shame on you.


Fool me again, and I will FUCK YOU UP!




Consider yourself warned. You know who you are.

SLIP SLIDING AWAY

Chorus:
C Am
Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
C G F G C
You know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away


Am C
Whoah and I know a man, he came from my hometown
F Fm
He wore his passion for his woman like a thorny crown
C Am
He said Dolores, I live in fear
C G F G C
My love for you's so overpowering, I'm afraid that I will disappear

chorus

I know a woman, (who) became a wife
These are the very words she uses to describe her life
She said a good day ain't got no rain
She said a bad day is when I lie in the bed
And I think of things that might have been

chorus

And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he'd done
He came a long way just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and he headed home again

chorus

Whoah God only knows, God makes his plan
The information's unavailable to the mortal man
We're workin' our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we're gliding down the highway, when in fact we're slip sliding away

chorus repeats 2x

My Life these days:

Study, work, study, study, work, study, study, work... repeat until infinity.

At a grade school in Victoria a teacher was talking with her students about football. She told the students that she was a BC Lions fan. She then asked her students to raise their hands if they, too, were Lions fans. Everyone in the class raised their hand, except Little Johnny. The teacher looked at Little Johnny with surprise and said, "Little Johnny, why didn't you raise your hand?"



"Because I'm not a Lions fan," he replied.



The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a BC fan, then who are you a fan of?"



"I am a Saskatchewan Roughriders fan, and proud of it," Little Johnny replied.



The teacher could not believe her ears.



"Little Johnny, why are you a Roughriders fan?"



"Because my Mom is a Roughriders fan and my Dad is a Roughriders fan, so that makes me a Saskatchewan Roughriders fan too!" explained Little Johnny.



"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Saskatchewan Roughriders fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. Why, what if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was a moron, what would you be then?"



"Then," Little Johnny smiled, "We'd be BC Lions fans."

Beer Frisbee Rules

Playing Equipment: 1 frisbee, 4 empty beer bottles

# Of Players: 2, 4, or 6 in teams of 2.

The Setup: Take 2 bottles to either end of a 15m (15 paces will work)
straight court. Stack the bottles one on top of the other (may take some
practice but you will get the hang of it). There is a line drawn
perpendicular to the length of the court at the position of the bottles
called the 'plane of the bottles' or more simply the plane. You cannot
cross this plane while throwing or catching the frisbee. The hog line is a
variable beast, it is as far as you can stretch while keeping one foot
behind the plane of the bottles. One player from each team stands at either
end of the court and of course, all players must have a drink in their hand
while playing. Play can be stopped for refills. Flip the frisbee to see
which team starts first.

Side 1 Side 2

| |
A1 | 15 meters | A2
B1 8----------------------------------------8 B2
C1 | | C2
| |
plane plane

Object Of The Game: To make the other team drink 3 beer before they make
you drink three beer.

Play: You alternate throwing the frisbee at the beer bottles. If team A
wins the flip then they go first. Team B will throw second and third, and
team A fourth - A1-B2-B1-A2. If you are playing with three teams, the shot
sequence would go A1-B2-C1-C2-B1-A2. If you miss the bottles play goes on.
If you hit the bottles the other team drinks the amount corresponding to
the following Game Shot chart. The teammate of whomever knocked the bottles
over must set the bottles back up (need something to do while the other
team drinks).

Game Shots: (I [Spaceman] have witnessed all of these shots be made)
1/4 knock both bottles over
1/2 knock top bottle off, leave bottom bottle standing
3/4 just tick the bottles without knocking them over
1 knock bottom bottle out and get top bottle to stand on ground
1 1/4 knock top bottle off and have it stand back up on the ground
1 1/2 knock top bottle off, leave frisbee touching bottom bottle
1 3/4 knock bottles over and have the frisbee completely cover a bottle
2 frisbee still touching bottles with both bottles still standing
2 1/4 knock both bottles over and have the frisbee lay on top of bottle (no
part of frisbee may touch the ground)
2 1/2 knock top bottle off and get it to stand touching the bottom bottle
2 3/4 knock bottles over and have one bottle lay on top of the frisbee (no
part of bottle may touch the ground)
3 knock bottom bottle out, get top bottle to stand on frisbee - GAME!

Another important rule is that you cannot pre drink. Drinks are taken only
when owed (this doesn't mean you can't drink sociably while the game is in
progress). There are a few penalties to keep in mind:

Infraction Penalty
Step across the plane while throwing throw does not count
throw when either player does not have a drink in his/her hand throw does
not count
break a bottle drink 1/4 beer
frisbee doesn't cross hog line drink 1/4 beer
knock over own bottles while throwing drink 1/4 beer

Full Contact: If you find the regular game too easy you can always spice it
up by making it full contact. This is a twist to the regular game,
everything is the same except that once the frisbee is thrown and crosses
the plane of the target bottles, the thrower's partner can try to redirect
the frisbee into the bottles anyway possible (hands, feet, head, etc). The
opposing team can do whatever they want to try to prevent this (tackle,
lift, throw opposition). Remember the frisbee has to cross the plane of the
target bottles before it can be redirected. Also remember, that if you
knock down the bottles with your body whilst jostling, whoever knocked the
bottles over has to pay the 1/4 beer penalty.

I had the weirdest thing happen to me... I was speaking to a Jazz agent in
YYF, and she said to me "DECS isn't working" .. I knew EXACTLY what she
meant... Do you? ( She meant to say OPS isn't working )

Give me a shout out if you know what she was talking about!

B

http://www.blessedherbs.com/mucoid.html

Check out this link...

http://www.blessedherbs.com/mucoid.html

The winner is the one with bloody knuckles, not the bloody face.

-B Evjen

Air Canada plans to emerge from CCAA protection on September 30, 2004.
Why, when people speak of CCAA they say "See See Double A" ... Why not "Double See Double A"

Here is Kathy sipping her fresh mango juice before departure from HK. The big seats are so nice! Once I get some of the panoramas put together, I'll post them on the main site.

We are home... more pictures to follow.... tomorrow..

Today we are leaving our friends in Hong Kong. It was a great trip... Thank you Cara and Andrew once again. Cara, your bouts with sickness will be over soon, and it will be worth the effort. You are going to be a great Mom! Andrew, I wish you didn't have to work so much, the time we spend together are always my favorite parts of the trip. Keep working hard but remember to take a day off once in a while. ( to go for Yum Cha with Cara )

We love you guys very much and we will miss you. When are you coming to Smithers??

After Tai O we hiked from The Giant Buddah to Tung Chung, it took three hours from start to the very finish. It was amazing, waterfalls, Buddist temples, great views of the airport and we found the perfect place we would like to live.. I just wish I could remember the name of the place...

Yesterday we went to Tai O, it was a neat little fishing village. Lots of smelly dried fish everywhere.

What a weird day, I was interviewed three times by different groups of high school students... I was in heaven! (Yes I'm wearing socks with sandals... my sandals were only 3 days old when I got here, and they hurt my feet when I wear them without socks...)

This guy was hilarious! He was so into the interview.... I guess you just had to be there.

We went to Kowloon today to do some shopping, we found some X-box games for "The Dude", and I bought a second battery for my camera. That was all we intended to buy today... but...

We did a bit of shopping today.. I always said I would never buy a pilot watch, but I couldn't resist. Kathy's bracelet is 14k gold with 14 diamonds and 7 garnets( Her birth stone. )

I guess it's been a couple of days since I let you know what was going on.. On Friday, we went to Schenzen, China. There is a huge theme park there called Windows on the World. It has mini replicas of different places from all over the world!

Here is us in Egypt?!

After windows on the world we went to wal*mart.. Go figure, I'm half way around the world and I end up at my least favorite place. It was just like any other wal*mart I've ever been to, except the Durian.

Ever seen the movie Tomb Raider, when they jump out of the building?? This is the one! It is the International Finance Centre, IFC building.

Yesterday, (Saturday) our first plan was to hike to Mui Wo. I wasn't feeling so well, (diarrhea, damn China) so we changed our plan to take a bus to Tai O. We started out taking the bus to Tung Chung. Once at Tung Chung, it was raining raining raining. So we went to a movie, The Bourne Supremacy. Good show! When we were leaving the mall, I spotted a sign for a lounge I found amusing.

Hello Anthony,
If you recall, you were to send the dish to my address via Purolater, and I was to contact an installer myself. ( I'm still not sure why this should be my responsibility, but to speed up the installation I found an installer. )

You told me the dish would be sent on Wed Aug 18th, and would arrive at my residence on Fri Aug 20th.

Fri Aug 27th has come and gone. Still no dish. That is a week past the date you promised it would arrive.

Please give me your supervisors email.

Two months of free service is a pathetic offering for the hassle this has caused me.


Brent Evjen

Quoting Anthony O'Connor <Anthony.Oconnor@bell.ca>:
> Hi Mr. Evjen:
>
> Once the request to send a dish is made, unfortunately out of my hands in
> terms of tracking it. As advised by my supervisor, the warehouse will make
> one further attempt to find an installer in your area whether or not that
> installer is on our assigned list or not. The objective is to have the
> dish sent as soon as possible. This process can take from 3 to 5 days, but
> may on occasion take longer.
>
> Once again I apologize for the delays, however I do assure you that the
> promise of free programming will be delivered.
>
> Regards,

Look at the size of this snail! Pretty quiet day today, lots of walking, and coffee. We spent the entire day in Discovery Bay, taking naps, and relaxing... and I'm still tired!

Yesterday, we went to Stanley. Just like the rest of Hong Kong it used to be a fishing village. Now the most remarkable thing about Stanley is the market. Kathy bought an awsome jacket, and we bought some Chinese scrolls to hang on the wall. Sorry Greg, I was looking for stuff with you in mind, but nothing jumped out at me. However, I did get the Old Man's email and he can make copies of things and send them to you...

Hello Anthony,

I spoke to you last week regarding my problems having the dish installed.

You agreed to send the dish via Purolator so that I could have it installed at
my cost and you would credit my account the cost of the dish installation.

You said the dish would arrive friday.

If you recall, I left town on thursday, but that my house guests (my parents)
would be available to recieve the dish.

It is now past tuesday, and they still have recieved no dish!

Here is a quote from an email I recieved from my mother regarding the dish...

<>

We had heard nothing by noon, so Dad decided to phone Bell and see what they
had to say. Well it seems that they have done nothing. He got someone after
waiting for a little more than an hour. Then he got a person to talk to and
they wanted him to hang up and they would call back. He said he had been
waiting so long that the phone was now attached to his ear. To make a long
story short, your dish had been cancelled at 2:20 yesterday - Mon. We can
only assume that it was the installer that cancelled it. To say nothing about
the fact that it should have been here Friday. Well, he is going to sort it
all out and will phone us back tomorrow. Dad did hold his temper, and also
asked who had cancelled the order, but he said he did not have this info. He
also asked who was going to deliver this dish. He will try again to find that
out tomorrow.

We haven't done much yet as we have been waiting for the dish to come. If we
can get some kind of answer then we will know when we can be away.

If we hear from him tomorrow, I will email you as soon as he phones. You can
keep an eye on your mail tomorrow and hopefully something will have happened.
Just a thought, but why do they even have to send in a dish. Can they not
have the fellow downtown take one out of his stock and install it and then
Bell pay him?

<>

From where I sit, Bell has let me down again.

As it stands, myself and my family have wasted a considerable ammount of time
waiting for Bell to do what they have promised.

I waited for the entire afternoon, the day of the initial appointment. Spent
over three hours on the phone waiting to talk to someone regarding my
installation. And was told "F*** YOU!" by YOUR INSTALLER. Then spent more
time on the phone talking to you.

NOW, my parents have been inconvencenced THREE DAYS waiting for you to deliver
a dish, as promised by yourself. So that I could pay for the installation out
of my own pocket because your installer was unable to meet the original
installation appointment.

Currently I am on holidays in Hong Kong and I am having to deal with problems
like this!!!

I have given you every opportunity to make good on your promises, and have
recived.... a promise of two months free subscription?? I won't believe
anything until I see it.




FIX THIS PROBLEM..




Brent Evjen
(250) 847-2619
Box 5129
Smithers BC

We went to a Thai restaraunt in Tung Chung (The town in the background of the airplane picture I have on pinned on the bulletin board near my desk at work.) Andrews parents, Andrew and Cara, and Kathy and I ate the dinner for six. It was just under $100 Canadian, and we all were stuffed to the gills. The best part was the pork neck, it is in the picture, on the very right hand side near the bottom, and is cut off. Brilliant!

The latest aviation weather report at the Hong Kong International Airport issued by the Hong Kong Observatory at 17:03 HKT on 24 Aug 04

METAR VHHH 0900 10005KT 4400 -SHRA FEW016 SCT030 31/26 Q1001 TEMPO 4000 SHRA=

If you need help decoding this go to http://www.hko.gov.hk/aviat/decode_metar_e.htm

4400 meters vis translates to 2.7SM...

You should see all the pollution in the air!

Andrew, Cara and Kathy enjoying the water. I'll bet this isn't what you expected to see in Hong Kong!

This morning we went for a little hike so we could go swiming in the rock pools. Here is a pool just a bit downstream of where we swam. It was 34 degrees outside, it felt sooo good to be in the water.

Us (obviously) at the little water fall. I took a panorama shot of the whole pool, but you'll have to wait to see it until I can stich it together at home.

Here is sunrise today, the haze is caused by polution. If the winds are out of the north, all the polution drifts down from China. If the winds are from the south, the air is crisp and beautiful, from the South China Sea.

Here you can see Kathy riding the escalator. How cool is that, a monster ourdoor escalator that goes for blocks and blocks!

Yesterday, we spent the day in Central in the Midlevels and SoHo, there were tons of cool markets and neat things to see. It was VERY hot, we stopped at a Starbucks for ice tea, and air conditioning. It was a great place to visit, you can ride the escalator up, and walk down.

So after a harried trip thru the Vancouverr airport.. we arrived at the gate about 15 minutes before departure, and were given the happy seats in the front of the aircraft! Here is a picture of Kathy having some Champagne before departure. :)

Here is a view from Cara and Andrews newest flat. In the most foreground you can see a relatively new development here in Discovery Bay. The little bit jutting out from the hill in the middle of the picture is the land reclaimation in progress for the new Disney place. In the background, thru the haze, you can see Hong Kong island.

We arrived in Hong Kong at 1710, right on schedule, and after we each had a trip to the washroom to clean up, we were thru customs with ease. It was so nice to walk past all the people waiting for their luggage, while we just had carry on!

We caught the 16:30 bus direct to Discovery Bay, and had no problems finding the stop, Cara was there to meet us!

After we both had a shower and relaxed for a few minutes, we headed to the plaza for Korean BBQ. MMMMmmm. It was better than I remembered it. ( We did make a stop to get some anti-histamines, for my dog allergies )

We took money out from the bank machine, $4000 Hong Kong Dollars (our account shows a debit of 683.56 CAD). How easy was that.

I bought supper for our wonderful hosts last night, on the agreement that from now on we always go dutch, and that we get all the "I'll buy" this one arguments out of the way. Supper was $460 HK.. A little less than $80 Canadian. A great deal for such an excellent meal!

We went home and collapsed on the bed. I was awake a couple of times thru the night, all that water I drank on the plane finally came out! And had a great sleep!

It is 8:45 AM Sunday morning.

We'll see what the day has in store for us!

No, I wasn't lost. I was looking for Kisegulca Lake and I didn't see the sign. We spent over an hour last night driving around on old logging roads looking for a lake. When we did find it, it was beautiful, but too dark to take any pictures.

Complaint.

Hello.

 

My name is Brent Evjen, ExpressVu account number 8455101001474443.

 

I have recently moved and booked my new installation date with Bell ExpressVu on approximately July 26th.  I was told that the new dishes would be installed on Friday the 13th of Aug.  I adjusted my work schedule to accommodate this appointment.

 

Friday the 13th came and went without any contact from anyone regarding the installation of my dishes.

 

On the Saturday, August 14th I received a call from an installer who told me they were sorry they hadn't come on the 13th and that they did not know when they could come to do the installation.

On Sunday, August 15th I received a second call from the installer who told me that they were unable to come to install the dish until Thursday, August 19th.

 

I told her that this was unacceptable, and I would like the dish installed right away.  Her response was "I'll have to talk to my husband."

 

Later that afternoon I received a phone call from a man who informed me that he was the installer and that Thursday was the best that he could do.

 

His reasons for this were many.  His reasons included "it is too expensive to drive to Smithers for one installation." , "If Bell had their way I would be driving all over the place to do one installation at a time." , "in the north things don't work like they do in the larger centers" , " Bell doesn't give me enough notice before they want the installation done."

 

After listening to his woes, I explained to him, that I had booked the appointment for the 13th, and I had re-arranged my schedule to accommodate that appointment, and he replied, in a very sarcastic voice, " I didn't even get notification for your installation until the 13th, how do you expect me to run my business like that".

 

After hearing him complain more, I explained to him that his problems with Bell are "not my problem" and I wanted my dish installed before Thursday.

 

I suggested to him, that since he didn't have time to do it, perhaps he should phone Totem Audio (a local retailer who did my first installation ) and ask them to do the installation for him.  To which he replied, "that's not my problem."

 

I asked him if he was contracted by Bell to perform installations.  He said "Yes".

 

I asked him if he had been advised of my installation.  He said "Yes".

 

I asked him why my installation hadn't been done.  He again said that he couldn't do it before Thursday.

 

I told him "That's not good enough".

 

To which he responded, ".. then you better phone Bell and have them rebook your installation with someone else, and I hope you don't get your dish for three or four weeks."   Then he said "F*** YOU" and he hung up on me.

 

At no time in the conversation did I ever curse or use foul language.  I admittedly was not sympathetic to his problems, but I do not feel that I should have to listen to his complaints about Bell. 

 

I am the customer, my only concern is with my installation and meeting my expectations for reasonable service.  I made an appointment for August 13th and it was not met.  When I did finally speak to a Bell representative, who was the installation contractor, I was cursed at and hung up on.

 

 

This is not acceptable.

 

 

I would like a written apology, by mail, that includes the steps Bell ExpressVu has taken to prevent their customers being treated in such a manner.  In particular a copy of any reprimand sent to the contractor.

 

I have been a Bell ExpressVu customer for only approximately one year, until this point I have received excellent service and my expectations have always been met.

 

 

 

Brent Evjen

 

Box 5129

Smithers BC

V0J 2N0

 

(250) 847-2618

Frenzied cat in cockpit forces airliner down



BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) Â? An SN Brussels airliner made an emergency landing
after an "agitated" passenger Â? a cat Â? got into the cockpit and attacked
the co-pilot, the airline said Tuesday.

The Monday flight from Brussels to Vienna, Austria, had been in the air
about 20 minutes when it was noticed that a passenger's pet had escaped
from its cage, "although it is not yet clear how," according to an airline
statement.

"Once free, the animal proceeded to wander around the cabin," slipping into
the cockpit when meals were being delivered to the two-man flight crew, it
said.

"At this stage the animal became agitated and nervous," it said. An airline
spokesperson added that the cat scratched the co-pilot's arm.

The pilot decided to return to Brussels as a precaution, and the 58
passengers left Brussels two hours later on another flight.

The cat had been checked in Oslo, Norway, in an internationally approved
"flight transport bag," but the airline said it may end up changing its
procedures for pets in the cabin once it concludes its investigation.

"At no time throughout the incident was the passengers' security affected
in any way," it said.

If you're not familiar with the works of Steven Wright, he's the guy who
once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and
replaced by exact duplicates." Here are some more of his gems:

1) I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2) Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
3) Half the people you know are below average.
4) 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5) 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8) If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
9) All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11) I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
12) OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13) How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14) If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
15) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17) Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18) Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
19) I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
20) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22) What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23) My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder."
24) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26) A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27) Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28) The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
30) The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31) The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32) The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on
it.
33) Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS
SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY
ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!!
TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS
SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY
ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!!
TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS
SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY
ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!!
TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS
SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY
ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!!
TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!! TELUS SUCKS MY ASS!!


Just in case you didn't know... we've moved again.

Telus can't fix my internet until the 10th! THE 10TH...

Despite all their promises that it would work as soon as we moved in, TELUS
SUCKS MY ASS!!


Be advised there will be no website updates before then...

Matchbox 20 - Angry

So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache
You're hangin on the memory, you need most
Still want love, ugly, smooth and delicate
Not without affection, not alone

And instead of wishing that it would get better
Man you're seeing that you just get angrier

And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over
I'm not angry, anymore

Cry when you cry, run when you run
Love when you love
Represent the ashes
That you leave behind

And instead of wishing that the road had shoulder
Man you're seeing that you're sinking over time

And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over
I'm not angry
It's dragging me under
I'm not angry

I'm not angry it's never been enough
It gets inside and it tears you up
I'm not angry but I've never been above it
You see through me don't you

And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over
I'm not angry
It's dragging me under
I'm not angry

And it's good that I'm not angry
I just need to get over
I'm not angry, anymore

Trooper, Santa Maria

With only fear and good judgement
Holding us back
We sailed out on the Northern Sea
With a boat load of crazy people
Including the shotgun and me

Does somebody know how to drive this thing
Yelled the captain as he fell to his knees
I think I mighta had a little too much today
Take me to my cabin, please

Cruisin' on a sardine boat
Loaded with crazy people
And we shall be the Santa Maria
Looking for a brave new world

The first mate shouted from the crow's nest
I think I might see land out there
Nobody moved
From where they were laying
Cause nobody really cared

Does somebody know how to drive this thing
Yelled the captain as he fell to his knees
I think I mighta had a little too much today
Take me to my cabin, please

The first mate shouted from the crow's nest
I think I might see land out there
But nobody moved
From where they were laying
Cause nobody really cared

Cruisin' on a sardine boat
Loaded with crazy people
And we shall be the Santa Maria
Looking for a brave new world

Cruisin' on a sardine boat
Loaded with crazy people
And we shall be the Santa Maria
Looking for a brave new world

Mosquito fogging not necessary in 'Peg: officials

WINNIPEG - When is a nuisance enough of a nuisance to warrant action? When it comes to mosquitos, the city of Winnipeg says, "not yet."

The city's insect control branch says the buzzing and biting of mosquitoes may be bugging you, but it's not bad enough to start fogging with malathion to kill them.

Insect control spokesman Ken Nowalsky says two things are required before fogging takes place: the number of mosquitos in test traps must reach a certain number, and the weather must co-operate.

"Before we can ever consider going into a nuisance mosquito control program for fogging, we have to have three consecutive nights of 25 or more female mosquitos [in the traps], so we can't even contemplate residential fogging until that set of goals has been achieved."

For the province of Manitoba, a fogging campaign is triggered by West Nile virus, not nuisance mosquitos.

"Right now we look at a number of factors, none of which are present at this time," says Dr. Susan Roberecki is Deputy Chief Medical Officer. "We haven't yet identified West Nile in Manitoba, and were hoping to do that, usually first with birds."

Ontario and Saskatchewan have reported birds infected with West Nile.

To protect yourself from mosquitos, officials suggest covering up exposed skin and wearing insect repellent that contains DEET.




I think Joni Mitchell said it best...


Hey farmer farmer
Put away that d.d.t. now
Give me spots on my apples
But leave me the birds and the bees
Please!
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot

AZN - Got Rice?

It's the A.Z.N nigga fuck the rest. Dallas to New York jigga,

We're the best.

Veitnam, to Japan to Mongolia.

Phillipine, to Taiwan, To Cambodia. Korea ah..

ah.. home town China, who u got huh?.

U got shit nigga, feel the size, it's the A.Z.N better regonize.

Got Rice bitch?

Got Rice?

Got food, got soup, got spice?

Got brains like us? got skills like us? got cars, got clothes, got gurls
like us?.

Watz up?

We the shit and we'll kill ya'll fools.

We got money in the bank from our family jewels, can we help it if we rated
and curupt the Schools?

It don't matter, fuck the law, shit we'll break the rules.

We jack cars, Pop games, yo we got the tools.

Hoop it up , break it down then we shoot some pools.

Fuck with me, fuck with all bitch of us, don't think it's cool.

One on one fuck THAT it's three on one no duels!

Got Rice bitch?

Got Rice?

Anything u can show that is nice?

Got cash, got moves, got thoughts like us?

Fuck no hell you white, you'll never be like us.

Take off ur shoes before u enter please or crawl around on the floor with
ur fucken knees.

Don't mind the smell you'll get use to it.

Moth balls, Dried squid, and that buddha shit.

What the hell is that?

U think I don't see?

No forks in the house, Chopsticks only.

Have a taste don't be scared try the lemond tea.

U don't want?

Thats alright, try the fuck on me.

Got rice bitch?

Got Rice?

Got luck everytime u roll the dice?

Ur luck is bad unless ur run and hide, cuz we're thugz for life baby,
A.Z.N.! :)

After a long night of making love, a man notices a photo of another man  on the woman's nightstand by her bed. He begins to worry...  

 

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

 

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

 

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

 

"No, not at all,"  she says, nibbling away at his ears.

 

"Is it your dad or your brother?"  he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

 

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

 

Then he demands, "Well, who in the hell is he?"

 

"That's me before the surgery."

Advice from Kids

"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?' Don't answer."

-Hannah, age 9

"Never tell your Mom her diet's not working."

-Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes."

-Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."

-Emily, age 10

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."

-Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."

-Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."

- Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."

- Kyoyo, age 11

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."

-Amir, age 9

"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts."

-Kellie, age 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."

-Naomi, age 15

"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."

-Lauren, age 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."

-Joel, age 10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone."

-Alyesha, age 13


And my favorite... (this kid is going places...)

"Never trust a dog to watch your food."

-Patrick, age 10

A Cow Story....

Is it just me or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the U.S. government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and determine exactly what that cow ate. They can also track her calves right to their stalls, and tell you what kind of feed they ate. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around in their country, including people that are trying to blow up important structures in the U.S. Seems like a good solution is to give every illegal alien a cow as soon as
they enter the country.

--
___________________________________________________________
Sign-up for Ads Free at Mail.com
http://promo.mail.com/adsfreejump.htm

Yo! This is cool!

I can post to my weblog via email now!  Expect more random thoughts from now on!  My network administrator at work has restricted access to blogger.com from work, so I have been unable to post as much as I would like to.  Ha Ha...  they can't keep me down!

 

 

Consequences


A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you're white"?;
"Don't even ask" she replies, "when I think back to that party...you're
lucky you don't bark!"

Here is an excerpt from an email we recieved this week... The names have been removed to protect the ignorant...



Being that I am going back to work on July 9th, I am looking for child care right now. Since I work wacky shifts and long hours, I am possibly looking at hiring a nanny (Filipino nanny). I was wondering if you know anything about this service or any member of your family knows anything. I'm stuck between hiring someone directly from the Philippines, or hiring someone who is already here. I work 6 on and 6 off and didn't really want someone living in my house on all my days off as well, so I was sort of looking for a week on, week off person. Do you know anything about this stuff? Let me know.
Thanks, XXXXX



Why not just say... "We think your entire race is comprised of nannys. We think you are all the same. We think less of your race than we think of our own. Your race makes great servants, we would like to own one"


Or am I over reacting?

August 15, 2000




Mike Guimond

I am writing this letter in regards to my misunderstood practical joke. I sincerely regret any troubles I have caused you. It was not meant to be malicious. It was intended to make people smile.

We have enjoyed a five year working relationship, and I hope we can continue to get along.


Brent Evjen

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not;
nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not;
unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will; not the world is full
of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The
slogan, 'Press on,' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human
race.
-Calvin Coolidge

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics,

these are some questions people the world over are asking!



These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.



Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?( UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.



Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.



Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .



Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.



Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.



Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?



Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big

country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary.

Come naked.



Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.



Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...oh forget it.

Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight

after the hippo races. Come naked.



Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don't stink.



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.



Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.



Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.



Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name.

It's a kind of big horse with horns.(USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking

close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.



Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you

help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.



Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Wow this makes the fourth post today! I am the badger, I am the badger.

Do you associate sections of your life with particular songs? Shitty in the dumps songs.... Sunshiny things are looking better songs?

Jot me a quick email what your favorite "life" songs are?

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

-Uncle Kracker

Simplicity is a state of mind. - Charles Wagner

Y Tu Mama Tambien....

Day after day I'm more confused
But I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know, that's a game, that I hate to loose
I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

CHORUS:
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and DRIFT AWAY
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and DRIFT AWAY

Won't you take me away

Beginin' to think, that I'm wastin' time
And I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
I'm countin' on you, you can carry me through

CHORUS

And when my mind is free
You know your melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitars come through to soothe me

Thanks for the joy you've given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm, and rhyme, and harmony
You helped me along, you're makin' me strong

COURSE X2

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. - Confucius


Y Tu Mama Tambien....

Along the cool, sequestered vale of life. --Gray.



Y Tu Mama Tambien....

Ok, so here is some big news!! It looks like I have two new jobs. One full time, one casual or part time at best.

The first one is Chief Dispatcher at CMA, which will be in addition to being a flight dispatcher. (see attached job description A)

The second one is Cessna 182 pilot flying skydivers. Unfortunately this job is not 100% in the bag yet. I'll let you know in a week or two. (see attached job description B)

One pays approximately what I would be getting paid if I were full time back at Jazz. (In my eyes, it could be better considering the responsibility involved.)

The other will not likely pay for me to put Kraft dinner on my camping stove while I am back there.

One is a job, (which I will excel at, at all costs, short term sacrifice - long term return stuff)

The other is going to be really fucking cool!


Guess which one I'm more excited about!!


Job Description A:

CHIEF DISPATCHER

The Chief Dispatcher is a qualified dispatcher and maintains competency as per CASS 725.124

Responsible for:
„h Providing day-to-day administrative, functional and technical direction to the Flight Dispatch and Load Planning organizations on behalf of the Operations Manager (DFO).
„h Liaison with the Operations Coordination Department relative to the impact of Operational Control upon Operations Coordination activities and requirements.
„h The development, implementation and enforcement of operational control standards, policies and procedures pertaining to the Flight Dispatch function, in keeping with all Safety, Transport Canada, Corporate and Operations Coordination requirements.
„h Providing flight operational support through Dispatch services including, but not limited to, Flight Planning, Flight Watch, Weather Briefing, and communications as required by the Canadian Aviation Regulations section 725.20 and those applicable sections of the Flight Operations Manual.
„h Ensuring that all Flight Dispatch personnel are provided with adequate training, checking and route familiarization suitable to the position being held within the Flight Dispatch organization
„h Ensuring that Company flights are safely and efficiently planned, cleared, and monitored in accordance with established standards and regulations.
„h The initiation, maintenance, application and future development of Flight Dispatch Standard Operating Procedures Manual and all other manuals and documents relating to the Flight Dispatch function.
„h Development and implementation of standard operating procedures to ensure safe operations and compliance with the CARS, as directed by the Operations Manager.
„h Monitoring and measuring Flight Dispatcher performance relative to their knowledge and understanding of standards and procedures.
„h Maintaining complete and accurate records of Flight Dispatcher evaluations and training.
„h Providing work schedules which ensure adequate and efficient Flight Dispatcher staffing
„h Determining Flight Dispatcher training requirements and the development and delivery of training courses and criteria.
„h Managing and ensuring the ongoing integrity and operational capacity/capability of all Flight Dispatch technical support systems.
„h Preparing the operating and capital expenditure budgets relative to Flight Dispatch.
„h Liaison with external agencies which may affect Operations Co-ordination .
„h The receipt, validation and upgrading of airport reference information

FLIGHT DISPATCHER
Reports to: Chief Dispatcher

General
A Flight Dispatcher, qualified as per Canadian Aviation Regulations section CAR 705.110 and CASS 725.20 AND CASS 725.124 assigned the responsibility of exercising safe and efficient operational control over (name of air operator) flights in conjunction with the Pilot-in-Command, on behalf of the Operations Manager.

Responsible for:
Exercising operational control in a Complex Type B Operational Control System CASS 725.20.

„h Exercising operational control on a co-authority basis with the pilot-in-command, and for the joint responsibility of the safe efficient planning and monitoring of a flight.
„h The developing, reviewing, authorizing, issuing and revising, as required, of the Operational Flight Plan for all scheduled and nonscheduled flights inclusive of training and test flight operations, in keeping with Safety, Regulatory, Customer Service, and Corporate fiscal requirements.
„h Authorizing the release of an aircraft to operate in accordance with the terms and conditions established by the Operational Flight Plan.
„h Analyzing operational conditions and identify any opportunities that may constrain impede or benefit operational capabilities inclusive of, but not limited to weather, facilities, Air Traffic Control, and aircraft performance.
„h Performing Operational Flight Watch and for determining if changes to operational and meteorological conditions may affect the safety of flights within a prescribed area or on assigned routes, and for communicating those changes to the Pilot-in-Command.
„h Formulating and implementing revised Operational Flight Plans when conditions warrant, and for communicating the revised plans to the Pilot-in-Command.
„h Analyzing operational and meteorological conditions to evaluate and determine the safest and most efficient minimum fuel requirement.
„h When requested or deemed necessary, to provide the Pilot-in-Command with a thorough and professional flight crew briefing, covering all significant information which may impact the operation of his flight.
„h Soliciting, interpreting, and maintaining current flight and field condition reports to provide flight crews with the latest operational information.
„h Capturing up-to-date flight progress information of assigned flight movements (Flight Watch) and to ensure that the flight movement information is both current and accurate.
„h Providing Weight and Balance (if applicable) with a flight release, which includes total fuel requirements and aircraft weight limitations that maximizes revenue payload potential while satisfying all Safety standards.
„h Communicating to Air Traffic Control Services all Operational Flight Plan requirements.
„h Initiating Accident Alarm Procedures, and assessing and issuing Flight Incident Category Reports, as required, inclusive of the Corporate notification process and maintaining a written log during the incident.
„h Resolving with Maintenance Control, the pilot-in-command, Flight Operations Management Pilots as required, problems caused by any aircraft deviation from standard which may limit or impact flight operational capabilities, and to communicate any operational limitations to the Operations Co-ordination and respective operating Branches, as required.
„h Apprising Maintenance Control, Operations Coordination, other affected Flight Dispatchers, and Flight Operations Management Pilots if warranted, of any reported deviations from standard which occur during flight and which could impact down line scheduling integrity.
„h During irregular operations, congruent when practical with the Pilot-in-Command and in consultation with the Operations Coordination implementing flight delays when conditions warrant, recommending flight cancellations, and initiating alternative plans.
„h Initiating and coordinating airport handling when diversions to off line airports are required.
„h Communication with the Operations Coordination providing timely analysis of meteorological risk which may reasonably be anticipated to impact local and/or system operations including aircraft on layover.
„h Providing and communicating revised Operational Flight Plans to optimize revenue payload potential while maintaining adequate Safety standards.
„h Administering, managing, and implementing economic petroleum policies to maximize corporate profitability, subject to operational constraints and within proper Safety parameters.
„h Securing curfew breaks, as required, from Transport Canada during irregular operations.
„h Coordinating all planning aspects of both test and training flights.
„h Ensuring, on day-of-flight, that the Flight Dispatch function performs safe and efficient Operational Control in accordance with all Canadian and foreign governmental rules and regulations, Company flight operating manuals, and Corporate policies and procedures.
„h Liaison with the Chief Dispatcher, for the purposes of maintaining dispatch standard operating procedures and all applicable sections of the Company Flight Operations Manual.


Job Description B

Fly a Cessna 182 from Wakaw aerodrome up to 10,000 feet (24 minutes on the way up)

Tell the jumpers to jump.

Preform a controled spiral dive / slip back dowm to field elevation (4 minutes on the way down)

Try this...

Go to www.google.ca

Click the pages from Canada button

Search for "brent evjen" (Include the quotation marks.)



If you feel lucky, click the I'm Feeling Lucky button



Am I ever fucking cool!

Do you ever notice how "normal" people don't write/read poetry? I never would think about poetry except I hear it once in a while on TV. I am a product of television. :) I have an attention span of about three seconds.

Do lyrics count as poetry? I guess they do. Too bad so much "pop" music is such crap. I don't think Brittany Slut's lyrics have anything to do with poetry. But maybe for some people they do. I guess obviously if I think Uncle Kracker writes poetry, Brittany Slut can too..

On the subject of commercialism and crappy pop music, Marilyn Manson once said, "there is room for everyone".

I'm paraphrasing the shit out of it but you get the idea.



He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original.

- Alice Cooper, on Marilyn Manson

The Men That Don't Fit In
-Robert Service


There's a race of men that don't fit in,
A race that can't stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.
They range the field and they rove the flood,
And they climb the mountain's crest;
Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood,
And they don't know how to rest.

If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they're always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.
They say: "Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!"
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.

And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that's dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.

He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life's been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He's a rolling stone, and it's bred in the bone;
He's a man who won't fit in.

This song has been hurting my fingers...


In A Little While Lyrics
Artist(Band):Uncle Kracker

In A Little While Lyrics

Here's to the good life or so they say
All those parties and games that all those people play
They tell me this is the place to be
All these beautiful people and nothin' to see

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

[CHORUS]

In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you
In a little while I'll still be here without you
You never gave me a reason to doubt you
In a little while I'll be thinkin' about you baby...I'll be thinkin' about you baby

On the other side of a coin
There's a face there's a memory somewhere that I can't erase
And there's a place that I find someday
But sometimes I feel like it's slippin' away

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

[REPEAT CHORUS]

Some things are lost some left behind
Some things are better left for someone else to find
Maybe in time I can finally see
I just wonder, wonder if you think about me

Sometimes I feel like something is gone here
Something is wrong here, I don't belong here
Sometimes I feel like a stranger in town
And I've lost what I found, it'll all turn around

[REPEAT CHORUS]

(Just something from southpark... this doesn't have anything to do with my nephew Kyles' mom...)


weeellllll
kyle mom s a bitch
shes a big fat bitch
shes the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
shes a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch
shes a bitch through all the boys and girls
monday shes a bitch on tuesday shes a bitch
wednesday to saturday shes a bitch
then on sunday just to be different
shes a super king kamayamayabeyatch

have you ever met my friend kyles mom
shes the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
shes a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair
shes a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
shes a stupid bitch
kyles moms a bitch
and shes just a dirty bitch
kyles mom is a bitch
yeah

I was looking at watches online today. I found a few Rolex Explorer II's that I really like, for about $4000 - $5000 (CAD).. a reasonable price.

Then I looked for fake ones... $129 US for a fake Explorer II. What a waste of money.

I know you're thinking, "Holy SHIT, how can $5000 be reasoable and $129 be a waste of money???!!!"

People that buy expensive art, must be crazy right?? Not really, there are a few things in the world that will simply never depreciate their value. Art collectors, spend tons of money on art. They hang beautiful pictures on their walls to admire for years. Then they sell the art for roughly the same money that they paid for it. What did they gain? Years of pleasure from having great art around, that in the end didn't cost a thing!

The same works for premium, watches, pens, books etc.

That is one reason why I want a Rolex Explorer II.

The second reason, is because, no matter where I am in the world, I can trade my watch for a couple of plane tickets home.

The third reason, is because I am cooler than you are.

Ok! I have a serious question....

If you work for someone and they have set a precedent, do you think it would be smart to push the issue, and receive the same treatment? Or should a person push the issue the other way and make them stop treating people differently?

Should the ramp guys in YXS be allowed to sleep while on the job? Should a casual agent in YDQ still hold his spot on the list?

Inquiring minds want to know.... Give me your opinion!! (Even you Steve!)

You laugh because I'm different.

I laugh because you're all the same!

Stagnancy... Is that a word? It describes how I feel...

Time to shake things up a bit. :)

Colonel: Marine, what is that button on your body armour?
Joker: A peace symbol sir.
Colonel: Where'd you get it?
Joker: I don't remember sir.
Colonel: What is that you've got written on your helmet?
Joker: "Born to Kill" sir.
Colonel: You write "Born to Kill" on you helmet, and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?
Joker: No, sir.
Colonel: Well what is it supposed to mean?
Joker: I don't know, sir.
Colonel: You don't know very much do you?
Joker: No sir.
Colonel: You better get your head and your ass wired together or I will take a giant shit on you.
Joker: Yes sir.
Colonel: Now answer my question, or you'll be standing tall before The Man.
Joker: I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man sir.
Colonel: The what?
Joker: The duality of man, the Jungian thing, sir.
Colonel: Who's side are you on, son?
Joker: Our side, sir.
Colonel: Don't you love your country?
Joker: Yes, sir.
Colonel: Well how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and c'mon in for the big win?
Joker: Yes, sir.
Colonel: Son, all I've ever asked of my Marines is for them to obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese because inside every gook, there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've got to try to keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
Joker: Aye aye, sir.

Gin And Juice Lyrics
[Intro: Dre]

[man pissing]
Heah hah hah!
I'm serious nigga one of y'all niggaz got this ass motherfuckin up
Aiy baby, aiy baby... aiy baby get some bubblegum in this motherfucker
Steady long, steady long nigga

[Verse One: Snoop]

With so much drama in the L-B-C
It's kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G
But I, somehow, some way
Keep comin up with funky ass shit like every single day
May I, kick a little something for the G's (yeah)
and, make a few ends as (yeah!) I breeze, through
Two in the mornin and the party's still jumpin
cause my momma ain't home
I got bitches in the living room gettin it on
and, they ain't leavin til six in the mornin (six in the mornin)
So what you wanna do, sheeeit
I got a pocket full of rubbers and my homeboys do too
So turn off the lights and close the doors
But (but what) we don't love them hoes, yeah!
So we gonna smoke a ounce to this
G's up, hoes down, while you motherfuckers bounce to this

[Chorus: repeat 2X]

Rollin down the street, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice
Laid back (with my mind on my money and my money on my mind)

[Verse Two:]

Now, that, I got me some Seagram's gin
Everybody got they cups, but they ain't chipped in
Now this types of shit, happens all the time
You got to get yours but fool I gotta get mine
Everything is fine when you listenin to the D-O-G
I got the cultivating music that be captivating he
who listens, to the words that I speak
As I take me a drink to the middle of the street
and get to mackin to this bitch named Sadie (Sadie?)
She used to be the homeboy's lady (Oh, that bitch)
Eighty degrees, when I tell that bitch please
Raise up off these N-U-T's, cause you gets none of these
At ease, as I mob with the Dogg Pound, feel the breeze
beeeitch, I'm just

[Chorus]

[Verse Three:]

Later on that day
My homey Dr. Dre came through with a gang of Tanqueray
And a fat ass J, of some bubonic chronic that made me choke
Shit, this ain't no joke
I had to back up off of it and sit my cup down
Tanqueray and chronic, yeah I'm fucked up now
But it ain't no stoppin, I'm still poppin
Dre got some bitches from the city of Compton
To serve me, not with a cherry on top
Cause when I bust my nut, I'm raisin up off the cot
Don't get upset girl, that's just how it goes
I don't love you hoes, I'm out the do'
And I'll be

[Chorus]

Rollin down the street, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice (beeotch!!)
Laid back (with my mind on my money and my money on my mind)
Rollin down the street, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice (beeotch!!)
Laid back (with my mind on my money and my money on my mind)

In the early mornin' rain

With a dollar in my hand

With an achin' in my heart

And my pockets full of sand

I'm a long way from home

Lord I miss my love ones so

In the early morin' rain

With no place to go



Out on runway number nine

Big seven-o-seven set to go

And I'm stuck here in grass

Where the pain that ever grows

Now the liqour tasted so good

And the women all were fast

Well there she goes my friend

She rollin' now at last



Hear the mighty engines roar

See the silver wing on high

She's away and westward bound

Far above the clouds she'll fly

Where the mornin' rain don't fall

And the sun always shines

She'll be flyin' o'er my home

In about three hours time



This old airport's got me down

It's no earthly good to me

'Cause I'm stuck here on the ground

As cold and drunk as I can be

You can't jump a jet plane (but I can - B)

Like you can a freight train

So I'd best be on my way

In the early mornin' rain

So I went to work the other night, Phil had to take the night off due to a migrane, and I got to work with Steve! Let me remind you who Steve is...

Quoted From My Opinion Tuesday, December 16, 2003
.... or Steve-O you pushy little scrawn. (Steve-O suffers from little guy syndrome, he had a few too many drinks and decided to push everyone around. Poor guy probably only weighs a buck -o- five soaking wet! But it sure would have been fun to bust him up.).....

So we're working away, things were going well, so we were just talking 'bout shit. (Steve and I have never worked more than an hour or two together since he started, but I see him every day at the end of my shift) So we're working away and we start talking about websites and stuff.. So I give him my website address, not thinking any thing about it... and what do you think is still at the bottom of my opinion?

.... or Steve-O you pushy little scrawn. (Steve-O suffers from little guy syndrome, he had a few too many drinks and decided to push everyone around. Poor guy probably only weighs a buck -o- five soaking wet! But it sure would have been fun to bust him up.).....

I didn't even think about it, until I got a call the next day, wondering if I gave Steve the URL on purpose or by accident.

"WTF kinda question is that, of course it was on purpose."

"What about him being a buck -o- five and busting him up?"

"Oh Shit. Is he pissed off?"

Needless to say, I felt I should phone Steve and do some 'splainin.

I don't have my "standard" disclaimer" anywhere on this website, but I probably should.

Regardless, here is something for everyone to see:::

Steve:

I'm not going to apologise for thinking out-loud on my website, but I do want you to know that I never inteded to offend you or piss you off. (as I was pretty mad that night, but mostly not at you)

I think we get along pretty well at work, and my opinion of you is based on that, not one night of "poke chest".

I do apologise for talking behind your back, (which is what I do to everyone on this website), but ya gotta understand, this is like my therapy.

I'm not one to hold grudges, (I think you know what issue, I'm talking about now) especially since this one is way beyond our control.

Don't think that I am putting on a face at work, trying to be someone I'm not or trying to act in a way that isn't me. When I'm at work, I'm too busy thinking about other things than to waste my time doing stuff like that.

Dude, I guess I'm trying to apologise without apologising, cause I would / will do it again if you get drunk and try pushing me around again. Or maybe this time I won't be so afraid to just push back a bit.

I hear some WWE music playing in the back......

Did that make any sense?

Ah, Yes, Aviators

One fine hot Summer's afternoon saw a Cessna 150 flying in the pattern at a quiet country airfield. The Instructor was getting quite bothered with the student's inability to maintain altitude in the thermals and was getting impatient at sometimes having to take over the controls. Just then he saw a twin engine Cessna 5,000ft above him and thought "Another 1,000 hrs of this and I qualify for that twin charter job! Aaahh.. to be a real pilot..going somewhere!"

The Cessna 402 was already late and the boss told him this charter was for one of the Company's premier clients. He'd already set MCT and the cylinders didn't like it in the heat of this Summer's day. He was at
6,000ft and the winds were now a 20kt headwind. Today was the 6th day straight and he was pretty damn tired of fighting these engines. Maybe if he got 10,000ft out of them the wind might die off... geez those cylinder temps! He looked out momentarily and saw a B737 leaving a contrail at
33,000ft in the serene blue sky. "Oh man" he thought, "My interview is next month. I hope I just don't blow it! Outa G/A, nice jet job, above the weather... no snotty passengers to wait for.. aahhh."

The Boeing 737 bucked and weaved in the heavy CAT at FL330 and ATC advised that lower levels were not available due traffic. The Captain, who was only recently advised that his destination was below RVR minimums had slowed to LRC to try and hold off a possible inflight diversion, and arrange an ETA that would helpfully ensure the fog had lifted to CATII minima. The Company negotiations broke down yesterday and looked as if everyone was going to take a damn pay cut. The F/O's will be particularly hard hit as their pay wasn't anything to speak of anyway. Finally deciding on a speed compromise between LRC and turbulence penetration, the Captain looked up and saw Concorde at Mach 2+. Tapping his F/O's shoulder as the 737 took another bashing, he said "Now THAT'S what we should be on... huge pay ...super fast... not too many routes... not too many legs... above the CAT...yep!

What a life...!" FL590 was not what he wanted anyway and considered FL570. Already the TAT was creeping up again and either they would have to descend or slow down. That damn rear fuel transfer pump was becoming unreliable and the F/E had said moments ago that the radiation meter was not reading numbers that he'd like to see. Concorde descended to FL570 but the radiation was still quite high even though the Notam indicated hunky dory below FL610. Fuel flow was up and the transfer pump was intermittent. Evening turned into night as they passed over the Atlantic. Looking up, the F/O could see a tiny white dot moving against the backdrop of a myriad of stars. "Hey Captain" he called as he pointed. "Must be the Shuttle. "The Captain looked for a moment and agreed. Quietly he thought how a Shuttle mission, while complicated, must be the be all and end all in aviation. Above the crap, no radiation problems, no damn fuel transfer problems... aaah. Must be a great way to earn a buck."



Discovery was into its 27th orbit and perigee was 200ft out from nominated rendezvous altitude with the commsat. The robot arm was virtually U/S and a walk may become necessary. The 200ft predicted error would necessitate a corrective burn and Discovery needed that fuel if a walk was to be required. Houston continually asked what the Commander wanted to do but the advice they proffered wasn't much help. The Commander had already been 12 hours on station sorting out the problem and just wanted 10 minutes to himself to take a leak. Just then a mission specialist, who had tilted the telescope down to the surface for a minute or two, called the Commander to the scope.

"Have a look at this Sir, isn't this the kinda flying you said you wanted to do after you finish up with NASA?" The Commander peered through the telescope and cried "Ooooohhhhh yeah! Now THAT'S flying! Man, that's what its all about! Geez I'd give my left nut just to be doing THAT down there!"

What the Discovery Commander was looking at was a Cessna 150 in the pattern at a quiet country airfield on a nice bright sunny afternoon.



Boy, I'll tell you... pilots are never happy unless they are drinking beer and looking for a better job!

Why Airline Pilots Should Make $200,000 (or more)
Interesting Article by a fellow pilot:
Subject: Why Airline Pilots Should Make $200,000 (or more)


The airline business is an equal opportunity career field. Airlines, including Delta, American, United, and Northwest are hiring loads of pilots right now. You, too, can find yourself in the cockpit of a 767, 727, A-300 or any other commercial aircraft out there in the skies. The airlines hire regardless of race, religion, age or sex. They are literally the epitome of the equal opportunity employer. All it takes is enough intelligence to obtain an application, fill it out and send it back to personnel for
consideration. That's it!! Then you may be offered an entry level position as a pilot with any of the airlines, at a starting pay of $25,000 - 28,000 per year. Congratulations.....You're on the start of your flying career.......Or are you????

Let's see, the current qualification requirements, to even be called in for
an interview, are as follows: 4 year college degree (no problem, if you have a home computer in order to participate in this cyber dribble, then you've got that); physically able to pass an FAA Class 1 exam (assuming that you dont spend all of your time sitting on your brains at the computer, then maybe youll be able to pass.); and oh yeah, you've got to have completed the Flight Engineer written exam, have multi-engine, commercial / instrument ratings and it wouldn't hurt to have the Airline Transport Rating (typed in something larger than your Lazy Boy recliner). Generally speaking, the current averages of new hire pilots at the airlines are: 3,300 hours total flying time, 2,700 hours multi-engine/turbo, with 1,200 hours pilot-in-command. (Sorry, sitting on your sofa, eating pizza and surfing the channels with your TV remote doesnt count as a single minute of Instrument time!)

What??? You don't have the minimum qualifications to even be called in for an interview???!!! Well get off your lazy can and go get qualified.
Remember, age is not a factor. You can be 60 years old and still get hired as a Flight Engineer - sorry the federal government says you can't fly past age 60, but you can be a plumber. Over 95 percent of the pilots at Delta Air Lines have military backgrounds. That's all you have to do.....join the military, go to pilot training and spend 9 years on active duty flying airplanes. You'll be able to build the hours of experience necessary to qualify for the airlines, get paid while youre doing it and get to see the world at the same time.

What???? Can't get selected to go to pilot training because of the incredibly stringent requirements to get through the door???!!! Oh, don't want to PAY THE PRICE of having to serve your country, subject to the needs of the service and move every 2-3 years. Even then, you don't know whether or not the airlines will be hiring when you finally gain enough experience and complete your contract with Uncle Sam!

Just what are those high entrance standards? Let's see. For every pilot slot there are approximately 50 who apply. From those selected, they enter a flight screening (aka washout) program that eliminates half of the group.
From there you go on to Undergraduate Pilot Training (for the Air Force, the Navy has a similar program under a different name) for an entire year. Work hard, because only two out of three that enter graduate. Let's do some quick math. You are in a room with a group of people who all want to become
military pilots. In fact, there are 150 of you. Guess what? Two years later only one of you will get to walk across a stage and get your wings pinned on. Ouch.

Then you get to hit the operational side. Whoa, first you've got to get through RTU (Training unit, about a 5% washout rate here). Now, you are off to the real world, training to fight or flying operational missions. Now, after nine years of this, the airline career is ahead of you. Wait a minute, I just glossed over one minor area. You see, you have to SURVIVE your time on active duty. Let's look at one squadron and the facts. This squadron of 40 pilots lost one pilot a year for four years. I know these numbers are correct because I was in that squadron. Do the math and you see that the odds of simply surviving a four year tour is approximately 90%. Those odds don't seem so bad, unless you are the one whose life depends on it. Those might seem like just statistics, but go to a few funerals, see the widows and children, and that 90% takes on a whole new meaning. And guess what, those numbers don't even take into account a real live war, and I'm not talking about the wars the stock traders talk about in the stock pits. They use real live bullets in this shooting match.

Ah, no problem, if you can't or won't make it via the military route, then you can always go the civilian path to the airlines.... Remember those hours of experience???? If not, your short term memory is in doubt which may be a factor in your abilities to fly airplanes and make life threatening decisions - reread four paragraphs previous. Those average of 3,300 hours dont come free on the civilian side of the equation either. You'll probably need to start flying as soon as you get your drivers license in order to build those levels of hours before your life times out on the mortality tables. It'll cost you at least $2,000 to get your basic flying license: single engine, land; capable of avoiding clouds, weather less than clear and a million miles visibility, severe crosswinds and minimum night. Now,congratulations, you've got about 40-60 hours towards that 3,300.....get going, you've got a ways to go. Start paying for some more flying time, sport. It'll cost you 30-40 dollars per hour to rent a single engine Piper to fly your buddies around and look at the corn fields. Figure it out genius, it's going to be expensive to build several thousand hours. And don't forget, even if mom and dad are footing the bill for you, 3,000 hours of Piper Cherokee time wont get you through American, United, Delta or anyone else's doors for a peek at the application stack!!

Thats right, youre going to have to get those other ratings. No problem.
You're a smart person. Just buy some more Instructor time, study some more stacks of books, go to more ground schools, shell out several thousand more dollars, spend thousands of hours studying some more, get that dual instruction time, take more tests, pass more physicals and you'll get that Instrument rating - maybe in that same Piper Cherokee. Congratulations! But guess what.....tha'ts right, you still aren't close to being qualified. You now have somewhere around 200-300 hours; enough to have the minimum necessary to go for a Commercial license. So, you pay, study, fly, study, pay, pay, pay, fly, pay, study, test, fly, pay, pay, fly, study, test......and finally get your Commercial ticket.

Great!! Now you can be paid to fly - that'll help. But you still only have 300 or so hours flying, not enough (remember 3,300 hours) to land a seat with the Big Boys. Don't give up yet, oh Mr/Ms Wannabee, you're on your way. If you want it bad enough, you'll keep going. If you don't want it bad enough, YOU'LL QUIT, SIT BACK AND WHINE ABOUT THOSE THAT SUCCEED!!! Not you though, you press on....

Get out the check book, buy some more time. You've got to get that multi-engine experience in order to get hired by some civilian company so you can build your time. You study, pay, fly (multi-engine now - so double the hourly rate), pay, pay, fly, pay, study, fly, pay, study, pay, pay some more, fly, test, study, fly, pay and finally - you've got that multi-engine rating. So, with all those ratings now, multi-engine, Instrument and the all important, Commercial ticket, you can get a job flying airplanes. Oh, not
for the airlines; hell, the commuters won't even touch you yet. But you might land yourself a job hauling canceled checks for some company. Thatll be working the boneyard shift - midnight to 6 a.m. But you'll get paid minimum wage to fly (and build those hours). Remember, youre determined to get qualified for the Majors!! Or maybe youll get hired to fly parachute jumpers. That'll get you a couple of hours per day. It's probably not turbo prop time, but it counts towards the total. No matter, if you work real hard, fly all the time (you do have to have some minimum rest as required by the FAA) you may be able to build 1,000 hours per year! At some point in time though, my future aviation professional friend, you've got to get that turbine / jet engine time. Yep, pay, pay, study, fly, test, pay, fly, test, pay, pay and more pay.

Finally, you've beat through the trenches of aviation to get enough hours and experience to qualify for a position flying as a co-pilot for one of the commuter airlines like ASA, ComAir, American Eagle or United Express. You apply, interview and get hired!! Again, congratulations - you've made another hurdle. Now you're building that commercial aviation experience. Oh, by the way, you're only making $14,000 per year starting - if you're lucky!! You'll get to do this for at least 2-3 years to build that 3,000 hours of experience and at some point in time, move over to the left seat to build that pilot-in-command (PIC) time. Looking at the years of struggling to this point, youre probably wishing you had gone the military route - of course,
you didn't choose that option!!

So you press on....Now, regardless of whether you went the military or civilian route, there's been some substantial risks. Throughout your career you've been subjected to annual physicals (in some cases, every 6 months) that could have easily disqualified you, forever, from your chosen aviation career field. On top of that, guess what, the FAA has been closely watching you every step of the way. Fail to pass the written exams - you're history. Fail to pass the orals - you're history. Fail to pass the flying tests - you're history. No pressure. There's more....your FAA friends have a whole stack of books of regulations governing your life as a pilot and the operation of every single airplane you lift off the ground. Here's the risk: SCREW UP ONE TIME, JUST ONCE, AND BREAK AN AIRPLANE, HURT SOMEONE, OR JUST COME CLOSE - AND THEY TAKE YOUR LICENSES AWAY FROM YOU. FOREVER !!!! They don't care how many years and thousands of dollars you spent getting to this point in your career......they don't care how badly you want to become a commercial airline pilot, ........you can beg, plead, get down on your whiny knees and cry.......THEY DON'T CARE !! YOU'RE HISTORY!!!! Congratulations, your lifetime of work has just been trashed for a simple mistake.

Unfortunately, there are no big margins of error in this business. Unlike working at MacDonalds, or as a marketing rep selling coat hangers, or some computer geek writing software or selling shoes at Macys, when you screw up, you stand the risk of KILLING PEOPLE! This ain't no PUSS GAME!!

But it's okay, you knew the risks, the requirements, the qualifications. YOU KNEW THE PRICE YOU'D HAVE To PAY!! And you also knew how easily it can all be jerked out from under you. So you've chosen to spend your LIFETIME studying to remain highly qualified and to get eligible for another step in the professional aviation ladder. It goes with the territory. But there are rewards commensurate with your choice. For one: you love to fly! That's why you're here. Second: there is a chance that someday, if all goes well, you may make it to the Majors and earn a good living, again, commensurate with being a professional pilot. And besides, if this were easy to do, EVERYONE WOULD Be DOING IT!! The requirements to cut it in this business make it such that it automatically weeds out the sniffling wannabees. You either have the
mental and physical abilities coupled with the desire and DETERMINATION or youre sitting on the sideline -WHINING!! After 9 years on active duty in the military, or the equivalent on the civilian side, you've gotten the licenses and experience qualifying you to apply at the Majors. Unfortunately, the major airlines aren't like Exxon gas stations: there simply isn't one on every street corner hiring someone to pump gas. Any one airline is probably hiring no more than 1,000 pilots per year - and that's a really big year.

You may think you have what they're looking for, but guess what, so does every other pilot applying for that position. So the competition just elevated to another notch higher. Odds are more in favor of you NOT getting hired than of getting hired!! After two or three airline interviews, you might get lucky and get hired by a startup carrier - paying less than a person on the UAW assembly line. No problem, you'll keep applying to the other carriers even though you generally only have one opportunity. A NO is generally a no for the rest of your career. But you'll keep trying.

Even if you do get lucky and hired by a Major, there's more years of dues to
pay, studying, hard work, long days, short nights and hurdles to cross. The FAA not only watches you on paper, they sit on your jumpseat and watch over your shoulder. They analyze, criticize and evaluate every move you make. They're there for your orals, writtens, simulator checks and rating rides.

They show up unannounced any time they choose. They check you and recheck you; sometimes two days in a row from different examiners. One big error now, sport, and you don't get bumped back to the Minors, you get bounced out on your ass!! You again accept the fact that youve chosen to live a life in
a profession that with any mistake you are AUTOMATICALLY GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN
INNOCENT!!

But it's okay, because the risks are high, therefore the standards must be even higher!! You're no longer talking about dinging in your little Cherokee with your buds on board. Were talking about anywhere from 100 to 400 passengers (depending on the airplane) on board who are betting their lives that you MEET OR EXCEED THOSE HIGH STANDARDS. They're betting that when that engine fails, the hydraulic system quits or the flight controls stop working that you have the knowledge, experience and highly trained skill to safely and that airplane on a short runway, in weather that you wont take your Honda Accord out in to buy your pizza. Therein lies the blessing and the problem: passengers. Since deregulation, the prices for tickets have become increasingly competitive. In fact, the cut throat marketing schemes of some airlines have caused tickets prices to be so low that it is now cheaper to fly than to take the Greyhound bus. Hence, the business takes on the look and feel of mass transportation. More competition, lower ticket prices, more passengers. Through the process weve lowered the standards. Average tickets prices down, thus reduced revenues, and consequently a huge reduction in the standard of service. The simple fact of the matter, people, is that you cannot expect to get 1st class service for below Greyhound prices on your tickets. You don't go to the Cadillac dealer and expect to pay Yugo prices.

Heres an economic question for you: when you go to the grocery store, the gas station, make a long distance telephone call, buy a new modem or a new pair of shoes, do you think you pay LESS for that product or service than what it costs the business to SUPPLY it? Nope. But the marketing gurus in the airlines business sell seats for less than it costs to produce them.

So costs are out of sight. Gotta lower the overhead. We'll cut back on our service: no meals, minimum number of flight attendants to provide service, fewer agents, etc. In fact, we'll out source everything we can to lower costs. Well lay off tens of thousands of dedicated and loyal employees so we can contract with outside companies to fuel our planes, clean em, handle baggage and even work the gates. Those companies hire at minimum wage and with no benefits. So guess what, there is no employee loyalty, dedication or commitment. If its a rainy, cold Saturday in Chicago, the minimum wage ramp workers won't show up for work. What's the contractor going to do, fire them and hire more minimum wage employees with the same dedication? So your bags get lost, or stolen, or just dont get put on the plane. The flight is late because there's not enough fuelers to fuel the airplane. You're pissed because the flight's late and it never crosses your mind that it might be because of your $79.00 round trip airfare from Chicago to Miami. You don't apply the same "you get what you pay for logic" to your airline ticket that you do when you go shopping for a new automobile. You expect to have your ass kissed for the $39.50 for that flight segment. Hell, you can't buy a hooker to kiss your cheek for that amount of money!!

Guess what you think you can do for your $39.50?? You feel like you have the
constitutional right to defecate, urinate and vomit in the seat; leaving it for someone else to clean up. You throw your trash on the floor and walk away from it. You'll change your babys diaper on the tray table, wad up the pamper full of baby crap and leave it in the seatback pocket. And then you whine that youre paying too much for your ticket, the plane's late, or that seats are too cramped. Guess what?? I wouldn't ride in your car and treat you that way - why treat the professionals in the aviation community that way??!! Because - YOU DON,T CARE !!!! You want the most you can get for the east you have to pay for it!

Unfortunately, the airline managements have cut back their services to the point that they can't cut anymore. So they look to the only other source of cutting - employee salaries and benefits. For the non contract (non-union) groups its easy to scalp. They don't have any protection from irresponsible management who are only interested in the bottom line. But if you happen to be fortunate enough to have the protection of a professional organization (unions like ALPA or APA) then its a little bit tougher to slaughter. You see, even though management has reduced the standards of the products they sell, the standard by which professional pilots are subjected to have not been reduced!! The price pilots have had to pay is still there. The risks and the requirements still remain.
Passengers may want the most they can get for the least dollar, but they still want those pilots to have the experience/qualifications commensurate with requirements of operating aircraft, full of passengers, in an intense and risk filled environment! I hate to tell you this, sport, but that doesn't come FREE!! If you want it, youve got to pay for it!!

Now let's fold in record profits being reaped by airline management. Not to mention huge salaries and bonuses for executives at the airlines. Without exception, the salaries of professional pilots throughout the business have not kept pace with the cost of living for the past decade. Simply put, airline pilots are making less than they were 10 years ago, yet you keep charging more each year for that new color TV, automobile, gallon of milk or tank of gas.

So, after 25 years of flying experience, tests, physical exams, simulator checks, military service, etc., etc, I finally reach the left seat of an airplane in the service of a commercial carrier. Yep, I also get a 6 figure income. Tell me, why shouldnt I??? If anyone could get here, then this profession wouldn't have the added benefit of a nice salary. It doesn't require a doctor the same number of years to get to 6 figures, yet, no one denies that surgeon is worth every penny when you're laying on the table with your chest sliced open and a rib splitter making a hole large enough to reach through. And a surgeon only kills them one at a time when he screws up!! I don't hear you whining about stock brokers getting 6 figure incomes.

You don't seem to have any problem with paying $100 to take your family to a
professional baseball game to watch a 19 year-old play ball for $1 million per year!! But for some reason, you are pissed off that professional airline pilots are eventually compensated with a 6 figure income.

And you want to whine about their retirement? Statistically, only 1 out of
every 3 pilots entering this profession will ever make it to retirement.
Thats a 66 percent chance that I'll never see the lump-sum numbers that you want to bitch about. And guess what, if it weren't for collective bargaining, contracts, unions and federal regulations, reckless managements would be robbing those retirement funds like Jesse James. Thank goodness there are unions out there protecting the earned benefits of professionals.

So why shouldn't the pilots at American, United, Delta or any other union carrier, fight for the survival of their profession. Obviously managements have forgotten (or selectively forget) what it took to get in the pilots seat (managements are predominately non-pilots) and what it takes to remain there for a full career. Executives would like to ignore their own high salaries, bonuses and benefits and rather ignite the public and fellow employees against the 6 figure salaries of the professional pilots.

So you, in your ignorance, jump on that bashing bandwagon without being armed with the facts. The fact of the matter is this: If you, or any other living, breathing, whining non-achiever wants to make the 6 figure income of a professional pilot - its an open door thats available to you. I've laid it out for you. Its there for the taking. All you have to do is go for it. You can't sit on the sideline and whine though. Whining won't get you into the Captains seat on a B-767. You also can't leap from your Piper Cherokee into the left seat of that B-777 or B-727. There are no short cuts!! But you can get there; many have made it. So can you. But if you don't want it bad enough to pay the price, or you dont have the commitment, dedication, enthusiasm or determination to get there.....then STOP YOUR BITCHING.

Because, you see, just as much as you obviously don't care what it takes for
an individual to make it to the left seat of a B-747 with 400 passengers on board, we dont give a rats ass that you don't care !! We'll do what we have to do to protect our profession, careers, benefits and salaries. It wasn't a cake walk to get here.....thats obvious because you're not among those that have SUCCEEDED.

Have another slice of pizza, flip to a different channel and stop bashing those who chose a tougher career.

DON'T COMPARE MY JOB TO OTHER JOBS!!! A lot has been said and written in the press concerning pilots' salaries and compensation. We have been told about how much it will cost our company, our job has been compared to others, and various subtle and not so subtle threats and intimidation tactics have been hurled at our group. In light of the current situation, please allow me, a pilot to give you a small glimpse into my world...

DON'T COMPARE MY JOB TO OTHER JOBS!!!

...How many boardrooms explode over Long Island Sound?
...How many meetings conclude with hundreds of dead bodies?
...How many trucks cost $82 million dollars?
...How many doctors spend half the month away from their families?
...Do the children of media representatives cry when Daddy puts on his
uniform to go to work because they know he'll be gone for a week?
...How many salesmen lose their jobs because they have high blood pressure?
...How many lawyers spent Christmas alone in a crash pad?
...When your wife is watching TV and the program is interrupted by a news
flash of an aircraft accident, does she momentarily freeze in fear for what
she might hear?

There is not another profession in the world where the consequences for
mistakes are so catastrophic and unforgiving.

THE PRICE
...I pay the price when somebody loads full oxygen containers in the cargo
hold
...I pay the price when a terrorist has a bone to pick
...I pay the price when loaders forget to set the locks
...I pay the price when engineers design a fuel pump incorrectly
...I pay the price when Mother Nature decides to shift the winds...

YOU SPEAK OF THE COST
...Ask the CEO of Value Jet the cost of a DC-9 buried in the
Everglades...The Cost..
...Ask Fred Smith the cost to scrape a DC-10 and MD-11 from the runways at
Steward and Newark...The Cost
...Ask Korean Airlines the cost of a 747 that didn't quite make the runway
at Guam... The Cost
...Ask Fine Air the cost to clean up a DC-8 off a Miami Street... The Cost
...Ask Bob Crandall the cost of a B-757 impacting a Columbian mountain...The
Cost
...And if not for their Cool, Calm, Professionalism, what could have been
the cost of a UPS B-727 that suddenly went dark and silent four miles above
Chicago? How much were they worth to you that night? Industry standard or 25
% below? ...... The Cost

WHEN YOU TRY TO INTIMIDATE ME, REMEMBER
...It was I who flew Cobra gunships in the jungles of Vietnam while you worked on your masters degree
...It was I who sits alone at the tip of an F-18 in the silent instant before I am catapulted over a cold, dark sea, while you slept peacefully in your bed
...It was I who, one night watched my wings grow heavy with ice, miles from the safety of the nearest airport praying that I had enough fuel to find clear skies, while you watched Monday night football
...It was I who flew a C-130 into Panamanian gunfire, while you decorated your Christmas tree in 1989
...It was I who faced head-on the fourth largest army in the world over the deserts of Iraq and brought it to its knees, while you watched it on CNN
...It was I who landed an A-6 on a floating piece of tarmac no bigger than your backyard, while you mowed yours
...It was I who orbited in unarmed tankers over enemy territory to replenish others sworn to protect you
...It was I who watched missiles and bullets blossom in my face, yet didn't turn and run, while you watched the flowers in your garden blossom
...It was I who buried a friend
...It is I who knows a little boy who will never play catch with his Dad, so that you may play with your grandchild.

Sir, please don't try to intimidate me.

I am not your enemy, I am your asset, an asset that has experienced and
accomplished things few others dare to try. Realize this and there a few
obstacles we can't overcome.