I know I've posted this before, but it warrants a return.....
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hockey, food, or sex.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Friday, August 29, 2003
Pittsburgh, Pa. Friday, Aug. 29, 2003
It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there.
And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.
Allow me to introduce Canada.
The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine.
Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.
And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don't even have a death penalty!
And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.
But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.
Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States.
These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.
Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
http://www.post-gazette.com/columnists/20030730sam0730p1.asp
It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there.
And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.
Allow me to introduce Canada.
The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine.
Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.
And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don't even have a death penalty!
And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.
But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.
Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States.
These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.
Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
http://www.post-gazette.com/columnists/20030730sam0730p1.asp
Thursday, August 07, 2003
On another subject...
This world is so full of backstabbing lying cheating bastard mother fuckers... And the next mother fucker that fucks me, had better expect a fucking bullet at the base of his skull.
This world is so full of backstabbing lying cheating bastard mother fuckers... And the next mother fucker that fucks me, had better expect a fucking bullet at the base of his skull.
AS I MATURE
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished..
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
(I've learned some of these lessons more than once... especially the puking part.)
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished..
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
(I've learned some of these lessons more than once... especially the puking part.)
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
A VISITORS GUIDE TO SASKATOON
1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Sask-a-tune not Stoon and it does not matter how people pronounce it in other places.
2. Saskatoon has its own version of traffic rules. Never forget that downtown Saskatoon is composed in large part of 3 or 4 block streets. The only way to get out of the center of town is to turn around and start over when you reach the river.
3. All directions start with, "Go down Circle Drive ."
4. Circle Drive has no beginning and no end.
5. The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you cannot be from Saskatoon.
7. Idylwyld can only be pronounced by a native Saskatonian, so do not attempt the phonetic pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
8. Bingo, Bugs and Baseball are a way of life. Deal with it.
9. Construction on Saskatoon streets in summer are a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
10. Many bizarre sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh, we're in the Sutherland ."
11. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.
13. Buying a Saskatoon street map is a waste of money since the termination or continuation of any street is entirely at the discretion of the Works Department of the City.
14. Asking directions will help you get acquainted with the numerous recent residents. It will not be any help at all for finding the address you seek.
15. Never honk your horn at another car in traffic. The bumper sticker that reads, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." is considered a fair warning.
16. Exit and entry ramps on Circle Drive are just the recommended way of entering and exiting, feel free to exit at any grassy point you wish.
Have a nice Day!!!!
1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Sask-a-tune not Stoon and it does not matter how people pronounce it in other places.
2. Saskatoon has its own version of traffic rules. Never forget that downtown Saskatoon is composed in large part of 3 or 4 block streets. The only way to get out of the center of town is to turn around and start over when you reach the river.
3. All directions start with, "Go down Circle Drive ."
4. Circle Drive has no beginning and no end.
5. The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you cannot be from Saskatoon.
7. Idylwyld can only be pronounced by a native Saskatonian, so do not attempt the phonetic pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
8. Bingo, Bugs and Baseball are a way of life. Deal with it.
9. Construction on Saskatoon streets in summer are a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
10. Many bizarre sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh, we're in the Sutherland ."
11. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
12. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.
13. Buying a Saskatoon street map is a waste of money since the termination or continuation of any street is entirely at the discretion of the Works Department of the City.
14. Asking directions will help you get acquainted with the numerous recent residents. It will not be any help at all for finding the address you seek.
15. Never honk your horn at another car in traffic. The bumper sticker that reads, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." is considered a fair warning.
16. Exit and entry ramps on Circle Drive are just the recommended way of entering and exiting, feel free to exit at any grassy point you wish.
Have a nice Day!!!!
Monday, July 21, 2003
I Fought The Law ( The Clash does it best! )
Breakin’ rocks in the hot sun
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I needed the money ’cause I had none
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I miss my baby and I feel so bad
I guess my race is run
She’s the best girl I’ve ever had
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
Robin’ people with a six gun
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I miss my baby and I feel so bad
I guess my race is run
She’s the best girl I’ve ever had
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
Breakin’ rocks in the hot sun
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I needed the money ’cause I had none
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I miss my baby and I feel so bad
I guess my race is run
She’s the best girl I’ve ever had
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
Robin’ people with a six gun
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
I miss my baby and I feel so bad
I guess my race is run
She’s the best girl I’ve ever had
I fought the law and the law won
I fought the law and the law won
Friday, July 18, 2003
Bright Side of Life
Eric Idle
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing your life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle,
And this'll help things turn out for the best,
And.....
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistling]
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.
And...
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistling]
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
So,...
Always look on the bright side of death,
[whistling]
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistling]
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Eric Idle
Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing your life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle,
And this'll help things turn out for the best,
And.....
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistling]
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.
And...
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistling]
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
So,...
Always look on the bright side of death,
[whistling]
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistling]
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...
Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Rainy Day People
Gordon Lightfoot
Rainy day people always seem to know when it’s time to call.
Rainy day people don’t talk
they just listen till they’ve heard it all.
Rainy day lovers don’t lie when they tell you
they’ve been down like you.
Rainy day people don’t mind if you’re cryin’ a tear or two.
If you get lonely, all you really need is that rainy day love.
Rainy day people all know there’s no sorrow
they can’t rise above.
Rainy day lovers don’t love any others
that would not be kind.
Rainy day people all know how it hangs
on their peace of mind.
Rainy day lovers don’t lie when they tell you
they’ve been down there, too.
Rainy day people don’t mind if you’re cryin’ a tear or two.
Rainy day people always seem to know
when you’re feelin’ blue
I steps and stutters around in the gutters
sometimes need one, too.
Take it or leave it or try to believe it,
f you’ve been down too long,
Rainy day lovers don’t hide love inside, they just pass it on.
Rainy day lovers don’t hide love inside, they just pass it on.
Gordon Lightfoot
Rainy day people always seem to know when it’s time to call.
Rainy day people don’t talk
they just listen till they’ve heard it all.
Rainy day lovers don’t lie when they tell you
they’ve been down like you.
Rainy day people don’t mind if you’re cryin’ a tear or two.
If you get lonely, all you really need is that rainy day love.
Rainy day people all know there’s no sorrow
they can’t rise above.
Rainy day lovers don’t love any others
that would not be kind.
Rainy day people all know how it hangs
on their peace of mind.
Rainy day lovers don’t lie when they tell you
they’ve been down there, too.
Rainy day people don’t mind if you’re cryin’ a tear or two.
Rainy day people always seem to know
when you’re feelin’ blue
I steps and stutters around in the gutters
sometimes need one, too.
Take it or leave it or try to believe it,
f you’ve been down too long,
Rainy day lovers don’t hide love inside, they just pass it on.
Rainy day lovers don’t hide love inside, they just pass it on.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
I had my FIRST EVER peanut butter and jam sandwich today. Peanut butter and honey is better.
Thursday, July 03, 2003
Yup. I screwed it up. Luckily they are giving me a second chance.. more info later.
FYI, don't expect much to happen with the website over the next few months.
FYI, don't expect much to happen with the website over the next few months.
Today was the day.
I got a call yesterday afternoon, to see if I was up for having my pilot interview. So... I had from 1620 yesterday until 0830 this morning to prepare for the most important interview of my life....
It went from 0830 until about 0940.
I am scared as hell..
I'll let you know more when I know more.
I got a call yesterday afternoon, to see if I was up for having my pilot interview. So... I had from 1620 yesterday until 0830 this morning to prepare for the most important interview of my life....
It went from 0830 until about 0940.
I am scared as hell..
I'll let you know more when I know more.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ......
Blah blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Fuck. Blah.
BLAH BLAH BLAH..
Blah blah blah..
Work is sometimes like that.
Blah blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Fuck. Blah.
BLAH BLAH BLAH..
Blah blah blah..
Work is sometimes like that.
Monday, June 23, 2003
I mis-quoted Cartman... How shameful of me. Thanks Freak! It is good to know that someone out there is paying attention! Doesn't it suck to cut and past something, only to discover the original was wrong?
Anyway, rather than correcting my error, here is a link so you can listen to the original!
http://www.evjen.ca/pie.swf
Anyway, rather than correcting my error, here is a link so you can listen to the original!
http://www.evjen.ca/pie.swf
Sunday, June 22, 2003
Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys,
All on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. - Anon
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.' - Steve Wright
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. - Jack Handey
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like fries with that?' - Jay Leno
If some girl tried to beat me up, I'd be like 'HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and bake me some pie!' - Cartman
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
All on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. - Anon
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.' - Steve Wright
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. - Jack Handey
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like fries with that?' - Jay Leno
If some girl tried to beat me up, I'd be like 'HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and bake me some pie!' - Cartman
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
Thursday, June 19, 2003
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN! THEY WANT TO!!
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN! THEY WANT TO!!
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