Weird, I was just reading the postings on AVCANADA, and they mentioned the Blue Pill / Red Pill choice from The Matrix. Funny how affected we are by pop culture.
Also I was thinking about choices... Why not have everything. Never give up, never surrender.
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
I am so fucking tired. I've had enough. One of these days, I'm gonna be really tired and I'm gonna fucking kill someone. Like the fucker that was making ignorant comments to Kathy at the CMA staff party the other night, or Steve-O you pushy little scrawn. (Steve-O suffers from little guy syndrome, he had a few too many drinks and decided to push everyone around. Poor guy probably only weighs a buck -o- five soaking wet! But it sure would have been fun to bust him up.)
The fag had to stop flying. He came back to work for a few days to cover someone who was off sick. The guy has only been gone a few weeks and he came back and fucked everything up! Yeah, and I heard he can't land worth a shit anyway. Maybe if he wasn't wearing such feminine sunglasses.....
The fag had to stop flying. He came back to work for a few days to cover someone who was off sick. The guy has only been gone a few weeks and he came back and fucked everything up! Yeah, and I heard he can't land worth a shit anyway. Maybe if he wasn't wearing such feminine sunglasses.....
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
I posted a picture to AVCANADA.COM, a picture I made years ago. I'm wondering if it will catch on now that I've made it public. I wonder if anyone will send it to me, not knowing that I was the one who made it!
Because it wasn't funny enough the first time.
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay, You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all fucking next.
Love,
Jay and Silent Bob
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay, You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all fucking next.
Love,
Jay and Silent Bob
Friday, November 28, 2003
Thursday, November 27, 2003
Can I get a YO!
So... Anyone who wants to visit us in Smithers is nov officialy invited! The hotel is open.
So... We've had the pleasure of having one of CMA's captains staying with us for the last month! Very cool!
Anyway, I get talking to her about some stuff... and she all of a sudden says, "You're talking about SUPER GAY MARIO!"
Yup, sure enough. Turns out everyone knows SUPER GAY MARIO...
NO, he is not invited to visit. The guy gives me the creeps!
So... Anyone who wants to visit us in Smithers is nov officialy invited! The hotel is open.
So... We've had the pleasure of having one of CMA's captains staying with us for the last month! Very cool!
Anyway, I get talking to her about some stuff... and she all of a sudden says, "You're talking about SUPER GAY MARIO!"
Yup, sure enough. Turns out everyone knows SUPER GAY MARIO...
NO, he is not invited to visit. The guy gives me the creeps!
Friday, November 14, 2003
Darling Nikki
I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess U could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine
She said, “How'd U like 2 waste some time?
And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind
She took me 2 her castle and I just couldn't believe my eyes
She had so many devices, everything that money could buy
She said, “Sign your name on the dotted line?
The lights went out and Nikki started 2 grind
Ow, Nikki!
The castle started spinning or maybe it was my brain
I can't tell U what she did 2 me, but me body will never be the same
Her lovin' will kick your behind, oh, she'll show U no mercy
But she'll sho'nuff, sho'nuff show U how 2 grind
Darlin' Nikki, oh!
I woke up the next morning, Nikki wasn't there
I looked all over, all I found was a phone number on the stairs
It said, “Thank U 4 a funky time
Call me up whenever U wanna grind?
Yeah, Nikki, oh!
Oh, come back Nikki, come back!
Your dirty little Prince wanna grind, grind, grind, ...!
I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess U could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine
She said, “How'd U like 2 waste some time?
And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind
She took me 2 her castle and I just couldn't believe my eyes
She had so many devices, everything that money could buy
She said, “Sign your name on the dotted line?
The lights went out and Nikki started 2 grind
Ow, Nikki!
The castle started spinning or maybe it was my brain
I can't tell U what she did 2 me, but me body will never be the same
Her lovin' will kick your behind, oh, she'll show U no mercy
But she'll sho'nuff, sho'nuff show U how 2 grind
Darlin' Nikki, oh!
I woke up the next morning, Nikki wasn't there
I looked all over, all I found was a phone number on the stairs
It said, “Thank U 4 a funky time
Call me up whenever U wanna grind?
Yeah, Nikki, oh!
Oh, come back Nikki, come back!
Your dirty little Prince wanna grind, grind, grind, ...!
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Wow, my last post was Sep 6. Holy Cow! I told you things would be slow for a while. Nothing is new here, work still blows goats. Kathy's job is going in the direction she wants to go, they are moving her into the operating room. (She has wanted to be in the operating room since she was in school!)
I've been studying my ass off lately..
"This will be a standard takeoff with flaps 17 degrees, using 3950 ft/lbs of torque.
Bugs set at ____(V1) ____(V2), and ____(Venr).
The calls will be "Power Set, Autofeather armed, 80Knots, V1, Rotate.
Any malfunction below 80 knots I will reject on your command.
Between 80 knots and ____(V1) I will reject on your command for an engine failure, fire or loss of oil pressure, and either may reject for a control problem.
Any failure above ____(V1) will be considered an in-flight emergency.
If an engine fails after ____(V1), the calls will be 'Engine Failure, Max Power, Positive Rate, Gear Up' and I will accellerate to ____(V2).
I will identify the failed engine, you will confirm that it has failed, auto feathered, and that there is no fire.
Through 400ft I will accellerate to ____(Venr) and call "flaps up".
(if VFR) 'We will return for runway ____.'
(if IFR) 'We will proceed direct to the Telkwa beacon, enter the hold, preform the checklists and request a clearance to return.'
Any questions?"
I've been studying my ass off lately..
"This will be a standard takeoff with flaps 17 degrees, using 3950 ft/lbs of torque.
Bugs set at ____(V1) ____(V2), and ____(Venr).
The calls will be "Power Set, Autofeather armed, 80Knots, V1, Rotate.
Any malfunction below 80 knots I will reject on your command.
Between 80 knots and ____(V1) I will reject on your command for an engine failure, fire or loss of oil pressure, and either may reject for a control problem.
Any failure above ____(V1) will be considered an in-flight emergency.
If an engine fails after ____(V1), the calls will be 'Engine Failure, Max Power, Positive Rate, Gear Up' and I will accellerate to ____(V2).
I will identify the failed engine, you will confirm that it has failed, auto feathered, and that there is no fire.
Through 400ft I will accellerate to ____(Venr) and call "flaps up".
(if VFR) 'We will return for runway ____.'
(if IFR) 'We will proceed direct to the Telkwa beacon, enter the hold, preform the checklists and request a clearance to return.'
Any questions?"
Saturday, September 06, 2003
10 Reasons Environmentalists Oppose an Attack on Iraq
As organizations and individuals working for the environment and
environmental justice, we have watched with increasing concern as the US
government moves closer to an all-out attack on Iraq. We raise our voices
in opposition to this war and invite others to join us in support of peace.
We oppose an attack on Iraq for the following reasons:
1. An attack on Iraq could kill nearly 500,000 people. Most of the people
killed would be innocent civilians.
In November 2002, Medact, the British health professional organization,
warned that as many as 260,000 Iraqis could die immediately from a US
attack, while another 200,000 deaths would result from famine and disease.
The UN fears that an attack would create a flood of 900,000 refugees.
2. War destroys human settlements and native habitats. War destroys
wildlife and contaminates the land, air and water. The damage can last for
generations.
The United Nations Environmental Program (UNEP) has documented lasting
damage from the 1991 Gulf War. Oil, chemical and radiological pollution
still contaminates the region. More than 60 million gallons of crude oil
spilled from pipes. Some 1,500 miles of coast were tarnished with oil and
cancer-causing chemicals. The deserts were scarred with 246 "lakes" of
congealed oil. More than 700 oil wells burned for nine months, producing
toxic clouds that blocked the sun and circled the Earth.
In the aftermath of the Gulf War, more than a dozen countries submitted
environmental claims to the United Nations totaling $48 billion.
3. US clusterbombs, thermobaric explosions, electromagnetic bursts and
weapons made with depleted uranium are indiscriminate weapons of mass
destruction.
In the 1991 Gulf War, US forces reportedly fired nearly a million rounds of
depleted uranium (DU) bullets and shells, leaving 300 tons of DU scattered
across Kuwait and southern Iraq. According to the Army Environmental Policy
Institute, ingesting DU "has the potential to generate significant medical
consequences." The World Health Organization (WHO) warns "children could
receive greater exposure to DU when playing in or near DU impact sites.
Typical hand-to-mouth activity could lead to high DU ingestion from
contaminated soil." In the aftermath of the profound chemical and
radiological contamination released during the 1991 war, cancer and
leukemia rates in southern Iraq have increased six-fold.
4. Bombs pollute, poisoning the land with unexploded shells and toxic
chemicals. Bombs can't locate or neatly destroy hidden chemical or
biological weapons (CBW), but they can cause the uncontrolled spread of
deadly CBW agents.
According to Saudi Foreign Policy Advisor Adel al-Jubeir, the 1991 US
attack on Iraq destroyed "not a single chemical or biological weapon." That
may have been fortunate. On March 10, 1991, after the Gulf War had ended,
US troops destroyed several weapons bunkers at Khamisiyah in southern Iraq.
Five years later, the Pentagon admitted that the explosion released a cloud
of CBW agents, exposing 100,000 US soldiers to mustard gas and sarin nerve
gas.
5. Fighting a war for oil is ultimately self-defeating.
Our fossil-fuel-based economy pollutes our air, fouls our lungs and
contributes to global climate change. The world needs to burn less oil, not
more. Earth's remaining recoverable oil reserves are expected to peak soon
and decline well before the end of the century. Waging wars to control an
energy source that is finite will never achieve long-term national
security. Oil-based economies must be replaced by technologies powered by
clean, sustainable, renewable fuels.
6. Pre-emptive attacks are acts of aggression.
A "pre-emptive attack" would constitute an attack on the rule of
international law, the dream of world peace embodied in the United Nations
Charter, and the promise of environmental security enshrined in a host of
global treaties. Attacking a city of 5 million people with hundreds of
cruise missiles would constitute a war crime and a crime against humanity.
7. Aggression invites retaliation.
The CIA has concluded that Saddam Hussein would only be provoked to use
chemical or biological weapons in self-defense - if the US launched an
invasion bent on replacing him. Attacking Iraq would increase the
probability of chemical, biological, and radiological attacks directed
against US cities.
8. Increased military spending (to control access to the fuel that powers
our oil-based economy) drains funds from critical social, educational,
medical and environmental needs.
The war (and subsequent occupation of Iraq) is projected to cost as much as
$200 billion. Meanwhile the economy teeters and unemployment soars while
the administration cuts funding for environmental stewardship and basic
human needs.
9. Militarization and the war on terrorism are eroding America's freedoms
at home.
The US PATRIOT Act has been used to persecute immigrants and fuels an
atmosphere of racism and fear. The terrorist threat has been used to
justify removal of public information databases that provided communities
with critical data on industrial hazards. There has been a clampdown on the
Freedom of Information Act, a valuable tool that had been used to hold
polluting corporations accountable for their actions. The PATRIOT Act
criminalizes legal forms of political opposition to controversial
government policies, thereby threatening legitimate political and
environmental activism.
10. The US has threatened to strike Iraq with nuclear weapons - the
ultimate weapons of mass destruction.
In December 2002, a US strategy report claimed that the US "reserves the
right to respond with overwhelming force - including through resort to all
out options - to the use of WMD (weapons of mass destruction) against the
US, our forces abroad, and friends and allies." Bush administration
officials stated that the threat of a nuclear first-strike did not
constitute a policy change.
Bush's 2002 Nuclear Posture Review called for development of new nuclear
weapons including earth-penetrating "bunker busters" and five-kiloton
"mini-nukes" (four "mini-nukes" would contain the explosive force of the
atomic bomb that destroyed Hiroshima).
If nuclear weapons are used in Iraq, Medact fears that 3.9 million people
would die. The radioactive fallout would eventually circle the planet,
dooming even more people to an early death.
As organizations and individuals working for the environment and
environmental justice, we have watched with increasing concern as the US
government moves closer to an all-out attack on Iraq. We raise our voices
in opposition to this war and invite others to join us in support of peace.
We oppose an attack on Iraq for the following reasons:
1. An attack on Iraq could kill nearly 500,000 people. Most of the people
killed would be innocent civilians.
In November 2002, Medact, the British health professional organization,
warned that as many as 260,000 Iraqis could die immediately from a US
attack, while another 200,000 deaths would result from famine and disease.
The UN fears that an attack would create a flood of 900,000 refugees.
2. War destroys human settlements and native habitats. War destroys
wildlife and contaminates the land, air and water. The damage can last for
generations.
The United Nations Environmental Program (UNEP) has documented lasting
damage from the 1991 Gulf War. Oil, chemical and radiological pollution
still contaminates the region. More than 60 million gallons of crude oil
spilled from pipes. Some 1,500 miles of coast were tarnished with oil and
cancer-causing chemicals. The deserts were scarred with 246 "lakes" of
congealed oil. More than 700 oil wells burned for nine months, producing
toxic clouds that blocked the sun and circled the Earth.
In the aftermath of the Gulf War, more than a dozen countries submitted
environmental claims to the United Nations totaling $48 billion.
3. US clusterbombs, thermobaric explosions, electromagnetic bursts and
weapons made with depleted uranium are indiscriminate weapons of mass
destruction.
In the 1991 Gulf War, US forces reportedly fired nearly a million rounds of
depleted uranium (DU) bullets and shells, leaving 300 tons of DU scattered
across Kuwait and southern Iraq. According to the Army Environmental Policy
Institute, ingesting DU "has the potential to generate significant medical
consequences." The World Health Organization (WHO) warns "children could
receive greater exposure to DU when playing in or near DU impact sites.
Typical hand-to-mouth activity could lead to high DU ingestion from
contaminated soil." In the aftermath of the profound chemical and
radiological contamination released during the 1991 war, cancer and
leukemia rates in southern Iraq have increased six-fold.
4. Bombs pollute, poisoning the land with unexploded shells and toxic
chemicals. Bombs can't locate or neatly destroy hidden chemical or
biological weapons (CBW), but they can cause the uncontrolled spread of
deadly CBW agents.
According to Saudi Foreign Policy Advisor Adel al-Jubeir, the 1991 US
attack on Iraq destroyed "not a single chemical or biological weapon." That
may have been fortunate. On March 10, 1991, after the Gulf War had ended,
US troops destroyed several weapons bunkers at Khamisiyah in southern Iraq.
Five years later, the Pentagon admitted that the explosion released a cloud
of CBW agents, exposing 100,000 US soldiers to mustard gas and sarin nerve
gas.
5. Fighting a war for oil is ultimately self-defeating.
Our fossil-fuel-based economy pollutes our air, fouls our lungs and
contributes to global climate change. The world needs to burn less oil, not
more. Earth's remaining recoverable oil reserves are expected to peak soon
and decline well before the end of the century. Waging wars to control an
energy source that is finite will never achieve long-term national
security. Oil-based economies must be replaced by technologies powered by
clean, sustainable, renewable fuels.
6. Pre-emptive attacks are acts of aggression.
A "pre-emptive attack" would constitute an attack on the rule of
international law, the dream of world peace embodied in the United Nations
Charter, and the promise of environmental security enshrined in a host of
global treaties. Attacking a city of 5 million people with hundreds of
cruise missiles would constitute a war crime and a crime against humanity.
7. Aggression invites retaliation.
The CIA has concluded that Saddam Hussein would only be provoked to use
chemical or biological weapons in self-defense - if the US launched an
invasion bent on replacing him. Attacking Iraq would increase the
probability of chemical, biological, and radiological attacks directed
against US cities.
8. Increased military spending (to control access to the fuel that powers
our oil-based economy) drains funds from critical social, educational,
medical and environmental needs.
The war (and subsequent occupation of Iraq) is projected to cost as much as
$200 billion. Meanwhile the economy teeters and unemployment soars while
the administration cuts funding for environmental stewardship and basic
human needs.
9. Militarization and the war on terrorism are eroding America's freedoms
at home.
The US PATRIOT Act has been used to persecute immigrants and fuels an
atmosphere of racism and fear. The terrorist threat has been used to
justify removal of public information databases that provided communities
with critical data on industrial hazards. There has been a clampdown on the
Freedom of Information Act, a valuable tool that had been used to hold
polluting corporations accountable for their actions. The PATRIOT Act
criminalizes legal forms of political opposition to controversial
government policies, thereby threatening legitimate political and
environmental activism.
10. The US has threatened to strike Iraq with nuclear weapons - the
ultimate weapons of mass destruction.
In December 2002, a US strategy report claimed that the US "reserves the
right to respond with overwhelming force - including through resort to all
out options - to the use of WMD (weapons of mass destruction) against the
US, our forces abroad, and friends and allies." Bush administration
officials stated that the threat of a nuclear first-strike did not
constitute a policy change.
Bush's 2002 Nuclear Posture Review called for development of new nuclear
weapons including earth-penetrating "bunker busters" and five-kiloton
"mini-nukes" (four "mini-nukes" would contain the explosive force of the
atomic bomb that destroyed Hiroshima).
If nuclear weapons are used in Iraq, Medact fears that 3.9 million people
would die. The radioactive fallout would eventually circle the planet,
dooming even more people to an early death.
Vancouver, what a great city.
Plusses...
Lots of HOT Asian women, but I wasn't looking.. Really.
The ocean.
The mountains.
Lots of Westfalias around. (We saw 5 in the Ikea parking lot yesterday, this is definately where I'll be coming to buy one.)
Minuses...
Smog.
Traffic.
Hastings and Main. (We drove past H & M just to watch the show but there was a cop car parked right on the corner, sadly there was not much of a show going on.)
Could I live here... Yes. But I would have to have a Westfalia so I could run away at a moments notice.
Yes. A Westy with a two person Kayak on the roof, and fishing rods in the back.
Plusses...
Lots of HOT Asian women, but I wasn't looking.. Really.
The ocean.
The mountains.
Lots of Westfalias around. (We saw 5 in the Ikea parking lot yesterday, this is definately where I'll be coming to buy one.)
Minuses...
Smog.
Traffic.
Hastings and Main. (We drove past H & M just to watch the show but there was a cop car parked right on the corner, sadly there was not much of a show going on.)
Could I live here... Yes. But I would have to have a Westfalia so I could run away at a moments notice.
Yes. A Westy with a two person Kayak on the roof, and fishing rods in the back.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
I know I've posted this before, but it warrants a return.....
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hockey, food, or sex.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as hockey, food, or sex.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.
Friday, August 29, 2003
Pittsburgh, Pa. Friday, Aug. 29, 2003
It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there.
And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.
Allow me to introduce Canada.
The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine.
Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.
And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don't even have a death penalty!
And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.
But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.
Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States.
These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.
Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
http://www.post-gazette.com/columnists/20030730sam0730p1.asp
It's not just the weather that's cooler in Canada
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there.
And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.
Allow me to introduce Canada.
The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine.
Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.
And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don't even have a death penalty!
And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns -- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.
But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.
Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States.
These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.
Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
http://www.post-gazette.com/columnists/20030730sam0730p1.asp
Thursday, August 07, 2003
AS I MATURE
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished..
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
(I've learned some of these lessons more than once... especially the puking part.)
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished..
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
(I've learned some of these lessons more than once... especially the puking part.)
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